Sunday, 26 November 2017

Teen Talk: Dealing With Fake Friends

 

In the years since becoming a teenager, I've grown very aware as to how many people turn out to be fake friends. I used to be incredibly trusting, and always willing to impress anybody, but nowadays, I'd much rather mind my own business, and keep my circle small.

When you're going through secondary school, and ultimately, the phase of peer pressure, it can seem like you need everybody to like you in order to make yourself valuable as an individual. There's an overwhelming desire to get approval from everybody your age, especially those who are seen as being labelled 'the cool clique'.

All throughout primary school, and secondary school, I was never popular. None of the other children really had an interest in being my friend, and they didn't really care whether I liked them or not, because they had already formed their own group - a group that I wasn't ever going to be part of. At the time, it got to me. In fact, it got to me more than I would let on. I was very shy, and very reserved, so I wasn't exactly a joy to make conversation with, unless all you wanted in reply was a couple of stutters from a girl who's cheeks were as red as a tomato. I didn't go out much, I didn't watch Disney Channel religiously, and I didn't wear all the latest fashion. I was quite an outcast, really.

When I was in a little bit of a low place last September, and in a reflective mood, I wrote a blog post about being an introvert. It allowed me to get all of my thoughts out of my mind, so I was able to process them much more easily. If you're an introvert, or you're struggling with shyness, you may find it comforting, or even just somewhat reassuring. At least, I hope you do.

The thing is, you don't need validation from any of your peers. You just need to stay true to who you are. Friendships are empowering, and amazing if they are with the right people. They take time though. You don't just speak to someone once in a blue moon, and suddenly become joined at the hip. It's all about trust, communication, honesty, and to a certain extent, vulnerability. If someone is acting fake, talking about you behind your back, laughing at you, or insulting you, get rid. Don't even waste your energy on them. Don't bother giving all your time to them. They don't deserve it, not for one second.

I suppose cutting off fake friends is like moving on after a break up. Well, not exactly, but there are plenty of similarities. Don't ever give too much of yourself to someone straight away. See how they act within the first few months, see if they start opening up to you, and just take it slowly. Trust your gut, as well. If something seems a bit fishy, then it probably is. Basically just believe your inner instinct. Fake friends usually just want to spread gossip, and put you down at every opportunity they get, so anyone who does that isn't a true friend of yours.

I've come across my fair share of fake friends, but especially since leaving secondary school, I've realised that I'm much more likely to notice the signs, and so I stick with those in my circle, and always act more wary than I need to, just in case.

Hopefully this post has helped some of you. Fake friends are never any fun, but once you have got rid, you can make room for the better ones, which is exactly what I've done!

Lots of love always,


SHARE:

Sunday, 17 September 2017

Teen Talk: Going All The Way

 
 Today's post is going to be something a little different to what I'd normally write about. I'm all for discussing taboo topics, but this is something that I think about, more than I speak about it.
 
For any 16 year old in the UK, there is an incredibly high chance that they will understand where I'm coming from, and there's an even higher chance that they can relate in one way, or another.
 
What I'm talking about is the societal pressure of engaging in sexual behaviour, and losing your virginity. It's legal to become sexually active at the age of 16 in the UK, and although many people do 'it' before, regardless of the reason, there is still a large amount of us that don't feel ready, or haven't. The 16+ year olds that are yet to have sex.
 
I have had 1 boyfriend before, but he was 2 years younger than me, and neither of us were particularly interested in that sort of thing at the time. We'd much rather have just enjoyed each others company, and chilled out whenever we were together. It's a fact of life that boys take longer to mature than girls, and as the years have gone on, and I've been around more people, I can definitely see that in some respect.
 
In my personal opinion, it's absolutely essential that when growing up, you talk to as many different people as you can. Of course, some of them are going to be complete assholes, and they're going to be as toxic as anything. You will feel all these negative emotions at the time, but realistically, you're then going to recognise what you want to avoid in the future, and you will grow from the experiences. You're allowed to flirt whilst you're young, and carefree. You're allowed to do sexual things with other people without feeling guilt, or shame. You're allowed to send explicit texts, and images, as long as everyone involved feels happy, and comfortable. You're allowed to have regrets, and wish you hadn't done certain things. Boys, and girls, are allowed to feel anxious, and unsure when it comes to sexual thoughts, and behaviour. They are also allowed to feel passionate, and positive. There's nothing to be ashamed about, whether you perceive it to be positive, or negative.
 
Just because I'm 16 years old, and have been for 6 months now, it doesn't mean I want to have sex. It doesn't mean I want to meet up with loads of guys, and flirt with them after 5 seconds. Having said that, there's absolutely nothing wrong if there are people who do want to do that, as we all have desires, and fantasies. I've flirted with, and fancied quite a few guys now, and at the moment, I'm quite content with just talking to them if the opportunity comes up, and seeing how things go. The truth is, there is no rush.
 
Society places a huge amount of pressure on young people. Boys are expected to sleep with loads of girls, which he then gets rated, and applauded for. He's seen as cool, and desirable if he sends pictures of his private parts to whoever he can find on his Snapchat list. There are probably many boys out there who don't want to do that. They would rather wait for the right girl, or at least wait until their in a relationship. That's completely okay.
 
Nobody should be called 'frigid', or pathetic for not wanting to do something. Being a virgin isn't something to be afraid, or ashamed of. So what if everyone is going to a party, and getting off with people, whilst you're sitting at home, eating Cadbury's chocolate, and watching Netflix? It doesn't matter! Half of the time, others will claim to have had sex, but they are probably just as apprehensive about the whole thing as you are. Wait until the right person comes along. They will respect you for it. Being in school/college/Uni usually means that everyone wants to know everyone else's business, but you don't have to talk about anything if you don't feel comfortable doing so. You don't have to conform to society's expectations. You do whatever you feel is right, and follow your heart. Sex, and sending nudes won't mean anything in the long run, once you're out of that environment, unless you genuinely want to engage in those things, which again, you shouldn't be shamed for.
 
I'm a 16 year old girl, who is just going to do whatever I want to do, without trying to please anybody else, or attempt to look cool. When the right person comes along, I know I'll be thankful to my 16 year old self for waiting, as it'll be 100% worth it.
 
How do you feel about societal pressures surrounding sex? Would you rather wait?
 
Lots of love always,
 
 

SHARE:

Tuesday, 21 July 2015

Teen Talk | Love & Relationships Q&A



Hi everyone! Today I'm going to be answering your questions on 'Love & Relationships'. The reason I didn't include specifically boys, or specifically girls in the title is because some of you may be attracted to boys and some of you may be attracted to girls and I want to be able to answer these questions for everyone, without specifying the gender, as there is no true need. I hope this helps!

1. How do you know if you've found the perfect person? - @bexxjones_

This might sound like a cliché answer, but I do think it's just something that you know. However, that being said, I don't really think that there is such thing as a 'perfect' person, because as long as that person makes us happy, what does it really matter if they have flaws? All humans have flaws! The person who you can see yourself building a future with should be someone who you trust, feel safe with, who treats you right and with respect, who is prepared to do whatever for you and who you are genuinely compatible with. You have to love the person, because without love, there is no point in being in a proper relationship. You have to go with what your heart is telling you, and if your heart is telling you that you love this person and you want to stay with them, then you should follow that decision. Arguments are completely normal, so long as they aren't happening too often, or too severely.

2. How do you get over awkward/nerve-wracking situations in a relationship? - @bexxjones_

In my opinion, this is something that you get over through time. When I first meet someone, particularly if I am attracted to them, then I will naturally feel nervous and quite awkward, just as they probably will be. As you slowly get to know a person better through communicating and meeting up, things do get easier, because you will naturally become more comfortable in their company. Try to take deep breaths and be as confident as you can. It's totally natural to be scared at first and I honestly do understand that, but you will grow more comfortable with the person eventually. It may take a little while, but you do just have to have a little bit of patience!


3. How to get over a relationship? - anonymous

If you are in the process of getting over a relationship, it can be extremely difficult and I understand that. With my previous relationship, which I don't wish to go into too much detail about, it was toxic. It really was. It took me a long time to break free from it, but once I'd gotten over it, it was 110% worth it. People that continuously treat you badly, yet lead you on, are the worst type of people. My ex would constantly talk about sexual things, yet he never actually had time for me, or my feelings. I felt uncomfortable when I met him and I didn't even want to be around him. That is when you know you need to escape. It does take time, but finding the courage to decide that you need to move on for the best is the most important thing. Once I had decided that I could no longer continue with this relationship, I was so much better off. With the right support, I managed to move on. I found it best to cut off all contact and once I'd let my anger out through arguing, then block him off of everything and completely forget about him. If you remember them for the bad things and how much pain they caused you, it will hopefully make you realise that you deserve so much better and you shouldn't go back to them, ever! It may be hard, but you need to get rid of them and remind yourself that they are no good to you and you can do so much better, even if you don't think you can. You need to have a positive mind set and be thankful to yourself that you got out of that toxic relationship, before it was too late. Just cut off all communication, avoid them as much as you can, distract yourself and find support in friends and family. Maybe they can remind you how poisonous that person was too!
4. How do you know if you're really in love? - anonymous



5. How do you know if they like you? - @ruby.turner_

This can be another really tricky one and I can completely empathise with the fact that it's not always easy to tell if someone likes you romantically. However, there are usually a few little tricks and hints that may give it away or help you to understand. Just remember that everyone is different, and both guys and girls have different ways of expressing their feelings. Most people don't admit how they feel straight away, as they may be shy, or nervous. This is completely normal. They may blush, stare at you, yet turn away when they catch you noticing, do things that draw attention to them, such as laughing or talking louder etc. These clues are usually typical if the person is shy. If they are more outgoing, some signs could be - showing no fear of starting the conversation, literally talking to you or interacting with you at every possible opportunity, trying to get you to notice them, ask you to hang out or make an attempt to get your number etc. Some people are afraid of rejection, so they may make it a little less obvious, due to fear. Some of the little things that these people may do include; bumping into you slightly just to make contact, take the seat beside you, even if there are plenty of other choices, being the first to notice when you are sad/off etc. If you are pretty sure someone likes you, then just try to make small conversation and show that you are interested, even if you are too nervous to openly admit it yet. Take it slowly and be yourself. Never, ever change for anyone. If things are meant to be, they will be, and if not, there are plenty of other opportunities and fish in the sea.

6. What should you do if nobody cares about you and people judge you straight away because of one situation that you had no control over? - anonymous

As hard as it may be, you need to try to forget about these people. You clearly had no control over the situation and it's completely wrong of them to judge you for it before they even know you! You don't need a relationship with a judgemental person who makes you feel bad about the person that you are. One day, you will find someone who does accept you and who loves you for who you are. It may take some time and it may feel as though you will never find anybody, but I know that you will. There truly is someone out there for everyone, but it just takes the right timing and patience to find your soul mate. I guess that some people just don't think before they get to know a person and they simply just judge a book by it's cover. I know that's so wrong, but they are too insensitive to see that, and really, that just shows that they have their own issues which need sorting out before they commit themselves to a relationship. Honestly, just forget about love and relationships until the right person comes along. You will know when you have found them, trust me! Surround yourself with your loved ones, who are non-judgemental and try to ignore what people say. Your loved ones care about you, regardless of what other insensitive fools believe. You will find someone some day. I promise.


7. What do you do if you catch your boyfriend cheating? - @bexxjones_

When it comes to cheating, I think that no two people have the same opinion. We all have different views and it all depends on that situation that has gone on. If the person has admitted it to you and they genuinely have proved themselves to you, then I don't see why you can't forgive them. If they make you happy and you feel as if you want to be in a relationship with them and they want to be with you, then just try to regain that trust and get on with your lives together. Make sure that the person doesn't continuously disrespect you and cheat on you though, as that is when it can become an issue. If the person constantly goes behind your back and treats you with disrespect and as if you mean nothing to them, to the point where they are constantly making time with other girls/boys and they make excuses to not meet you every time, then you should definitely reconsider your future with them. Some people believe that once you are a cheat, you are always a cheat, but it is completely down to personal opinion. If you can relate to the second situation, then I would recommend that you leave the person and try to move on, but then again, I don't know the situation, so only you can make that decision. If you can relate to the first one, another chance may be possible, but yet again, it's your decision, not mine! Whatever you do, make sure you follow your heart and you do what's best for you.


8. Do you believe that boys and girls think and act differently in a relationship? - anonymous

Personally, I definitely believe that guys and girls act differently in a relationship. I do think that boys are naturally more immature and flirtatious, especially during the young, teenage years, because of their hormones and they are typically becoming more sexually attracted to the opposite sex. This is why I believe that they are known to be flirting a lot more and more likely go on the pull. I may be wrong, but I know a lot of guys in my school, and around my age that would do anything to get a girl. I think that's just the way that they are and I do think that they get a bit carried away, because they haven't necessarily worked out how to control themselves, whereas girls may typically want to settle down and just stay loyal and committed to one person for the rest of their lives. In my opinion, girls are naturally more mature and they are usually able to stay loyal a little easier. It's natural for both sexes to want to flirt and have fun at a young age, but I think girls have more control and respect for themselves, as they aren't all about the physical side of relationships. whereas I have found certain boys can be extremely pushy and convincing, when it shouldn't be that way and you shouldn't just be focusing on the sexual side. Girls are more interested in the loyalty, settling down and the majority of them are very much into the idea of marriage and starting a family in the future. Most of us girls focus on the long-term goals and boys seem to be more focused on having fun in the present.



9. How do I get over someone I've liked for 3 years but we are still really close? - anonymous

You need to remind yourself of your friendship. You have clearly known this person and been close to them for a very long time, but maybe a relationship would ruin that close friendship. You are close friends for a reason and maybe that is just the way that it is meant to be. I don't think there is anyone to get over someone, because if it's meant to be, you will just get over them through time, but then again, nobody can predict the future and so you never know what may happen between you. You should just focus on hanging out with them as a close friend and remind yourself of that fact, then see what happens in the future.


10. How do I get out of an abusive relationship?

I have already done a blog post on domestic violence, so feel free to check that one out if you wish, but I'm going to be answering this question too, as I feel it is incredibly important. I know it may sound like the hardest/stupidest answer, but you honestly do need to get out of that relationship. It depends what type of abuse it is. If it's emotional, then you should try and pack up your things whilst the person is away at work or whatever during the day and then call up a loved one and arrange to stay with them whilst you sort yourself out. You can call the police, or research organisations where they can arrange support, or a place to stay where you are safe and away from harm. It will be difficult, but it's important that you have support from your loved ones and that you make this huge step for your own safety. You do not deserve to be experiencing any sort of abuse. It is wrong. If it's physical abuse, then you need to escape as soon as possible. Your life is in serious danger. Call the police straight away and be completely honest, as hard as it is. You need to do this for your own safety. Get away as soon as possible and go and stay with a family member or contact support lines. You need to get out. I honestly can't stress it enough. Do your research and plan your escape as soon as you can, please. I can't urge how important your safety is, so please get out whilst you still can.

11. How do I know if he still loves me?

Everyone has different ways of expressing their feelings and emotions. I'm not too sure how to answer this one, as I'm not a boy so I don't know how some of them express their feelings, but I'm going to try and answer this question as best as I can. If he's making room for you in his life and he's putting you before other things that he used to make a priority, then this could be a sign! He would do anything to make you happy and he is always willing to spend his free time with you. See if he asks questions about you and talks about you positively to other people. Just observe the little things and really think about how he acts when he's in your company. It may be hard to tell, but you will work out the secret clues eventually!


12. How do I know if the relationship is worth it?

This is also a very difficult one to answer, as yet again, it comes down to personal opinion. You have to go with what your heart says and stay true to how you feel deep within. If you genuinely feel that you love the person and that you do want to work things out and stay with them, because they make you happy, they make you feel safe, loved, wanted and all of that romantic stuff, then you should stay with them! If you are having constant doubts about whether the person actually loves you, or you think they don't spend enough time with you, or they don't treat your right and your heart is telling you that they may not be worth it, then stick with your instincts and break up with them. It is completely down to you and how your relationship is already. That's just what I would suggest!

13. I think my boyfriend treats his boys with more love than me.. What should I do?

You should talk to your boyfriend about this. Ask him why this is the case and try to find out why he may not be spending as much time with you. He may just not be able to express his love for you as much as he wants too, so talk to him about it and see his reaction. If you are still wary and unsure, then maybe you could talk to his friends and see what they say, or what their reactions are. There could be an issue, or there may not be, so try not to worry too much until you get some proper answers. You may have to reconsider your relationship with him, or you may just need to spend a little more time together and talk to him more so that he can make time for you instead of his boys 24/7.

14. I feel lonely and unloved. Does being single prove that I'm not good enough?

No! Absolutely not. Just because you are single does not mean that you are not good enough. It can take a long time to find the right person, but it's better to be single than in a relationship with someone who makes you feel worthless. Good things come to those who wait and there is someone out there for everyone, but you just need to be patient and wait for the right person to come along. Sometimes, we don't always find the right person for us, because they simply haven't crossed paths with us yet and that is completely fine. There is no rush! You should focus on the relationship that you have with yourself first and focus on loving who you are before you allow somebody else in. Just because you haven't found your soul mate yet, it doesn't mean that you are unloved. You will find somebody. You will find the right person eventually, I am sure of it. Just be patient and focus on yourself and your loved ones before making that commitment. Everything will work out in the end.

15. Why do boys cheat on a girl they love?

I honestly don't know how to answer this question either. I believe that it is simply through lust and boredom. If a boy/man sees an attractive girl, and the girl seems to be attracted to them too, then they will just want to make the most of the opportunity. It is possible for them to be in love with someone else, but sometimes boys/men just want their ego to be satisfied and they are naturally more sexual, so they want to tend to these needs. They may not even consider it cheating, like you do.

I really do hope that this post has helped you and that I may have answered some of your questions.
Thank you to everyone that asked me a question and I really hope I did the answer justice for you!

 
QOTP  ~ 'We don't meet people by accident. They are meant to cross our path for a reason'  ~
 
 

SHARE:

Tuesday, 26 May 2015

Teen Talk #1 | Love & Relationships

 
Today marks the beginning of a new series on my blog called 'Teen Talk'. In these weekly posts, I'm going to be discussing a variety of different topics that most, if not all, teenagers can relate to. The type of topics that I will be covering can be anything from family problems to sex and puberty. Hopefully it will help a few people and if you have any requests for future posts, please let me know.
 
 
The first topic that I'm going to be talking about today is love & relationships. I know that a lot of young people, boys and girls, have a lot of questions and concerns regarding this particular subject and through this post, I'm going to cover as much as I can and hopefully it will help you all out.
 
Love
 
Love is something that cannot be defined, but it is an emotion that we all feel towards other people throughout our whole life. Whether it be for family members, friends, partners, pets, hobbies or anything else, we all love at least one thing at some point. Often, people find that loving the opposite sex in more than a friendly way is scary, or a new experience for them. It can sometimes seem overwhelming and many people can become very unsure when it comes to loving someone romantically. That is completely normal. Everybody is nervous when they experience something new! I was scared when I started talking to a boy for the first time - and I know I wasn't alone!
 
How do you actually know when you are in love? - This might seem like a particularly cliché answer, but you genuinely do 'just know'. Sometimes we can think that we are experiencing love when we are actually mistaken, but usually we will just have that feeling and we know that it is an emotion that comes from the heart. When you care about that person more than anything else and you constantly want to be with them due to the smile that they give you, when you would do anything for them and you would protect them during no matter what, when you think that you could see a future with them and you feel as though these feelings will last a lifetime. Those are some of the ways in which you can find out if you're in love or not. It doesn't just last a day - it should last a long time!
 
 How can I tell if he/she truly likes me or if he/she is just a player? - Finding out the answer to this question can take a long time - it isn't just something that you find out within the first few seconds. You have to really think about it, as well as asking yourself a few questions in the process. If you truly respect that person and they respect you, if you can trust them and be honest with them no matter what the situation, if you can truly talk to them properly and tell them things that you struggle to tell other people easily, then he may just be 'the one'. As far as telling if they are a player or not, you must ask yourself the following questions. Do they call/text when they say they will? Are they reliable, honest and trustworthy? Can you count on them when you need someone to lean on? Do they tell the truth? Be very careful when you start talking to people, as you may end up getting hurt. Talk to them regularly, be yourself, meet up with them a couple of times and then form a judgement on them and see how things go, but don't get your hopes too high before at least 2 weeks of talking and meeting up properly. It also depends on how comfortable and confident you are with them!
 
What does it feel like to genuinely fall in love? - From my experience, it is one of the most incredible feelings in the world. When you are in a relationship with someone and you are both in love with each other, it is almost like nothing else matters, because you are so happy with that one person and you feel like they are genuinely your soul mate. You can be yourself around them without facing judgement or criticism, you can trust them with anything, you feel safe and protected, they can always make you laugh or cheer you up and you feel as if they are your entire world and more.
 
Why does nobody ever show an interest in me? Will I ever find someone? - Even if you feel like you will never be in a relationship and you never have a chance at getting married, you are wrong. I think that every single human has a soul mate, but it just takes time and patience to find them. Who cares if you're 20 and you have never kissed anyone, or had a serious relationship? It doesn't matter! You still have plenty of time and believe me when I say your time will come. You have to kiss many frogs until you find your prince in some cases and that's completely okay. There is always hope!
 
Relationships
 
It can take a long time to form a proper relationship with someone. Often, it can be an extremely nerve-wracking, overwhelming experience and various emotions can become more involved.
 
I want to be more than just friends. What do I do? - Speak to them. It may seem like the most straight-forward, pointless suggestion, but communication is honestly key. Explain how you are feeling and see if the other person feels the same. If they do, then date them! If they don't, just cut them off or leave them alone. It sounds harsh, but if they start distancing themselves from you, or they avoid you whenever they can, then they aren't worth your time or your attention at all. Never chase someone if all they do is continuously run away from you. You could stay friends if you mutually agree on that, but don't waste your time on someone who may not be worth it. If he is ignoring you, just leave him. Don't bother messaging him or pestering him as it will only push him farther away and it isn't worth the hassle. Focus on yourself and those who genuinely do care.
 
Help! How do I tell him/her that I want to start dating them?! - If you feel that you actually want to get into a relationship with someone, then you need to subtly drop hints. Try and talk to them more and get to know them on a better, more personal level. Invite them for trips out to spend time with each other, show an interest in their life, always ask them how they are and let your true personality shine through. Depending on the reaction that the person gives back, then you can decide what your next step should be. If you receive a positive reaction, try asking them out on a date! Then, see where things go from there and try asking them out whilst having a romantic meal or something like that. If the reaction is negative, then maybe this person isn't the right one for you. Maybe you should just stay friends, maybe not! Try not to be too disheartened and just take it all with a pinch of salt.
 
My ex is dating my best friend, but I want him/her back. What should I do? - Wait until he/she breaks up with them. If he really does still like you, then why is he/she still with his/her partner? Why are they still going out? I think that you should talk properly and find out how your best friend and your ex both feel. It's not worth loosing a friend over someone else who got involved in you both.
 
Why do I always fight with my boyfriend/girlfriend?! How can I stop it? - All relationships experience arguments from time to time and as long as they aren't too serious or violent, then you shouldn't have too much of a problem. However, once again, you need to communicate. What are the real issues within this relationship? Can you actually listen and communicate with each other? Listen with an open heart and don't get defensive or mouthy until you have each had your say, then try to calmly resolve things without raising your voice. Counselling is always an option if it gets too much.
 
Flirting
 
Flirting happens during the very first stages of a possible relationship and it can be very daunting getting to know someone that you could potentially start dating, but it does get easier over time and with plenty of practise, don't worry! Try to be confident and remember to stay true to yourself.
 
How do I tell if she/he likes me? - If you are trying to work out if a girl likes you, there are a few simple hints. She gazes into your eyes, she touches parts of your body whilst talking to you e.g. hand, shoulder, thigh etc., she blinks a lot and flutters her eyelashes, she may also twirl her hair or blush.
If you are trying to work out if a guy likes you, there are also a few hints that they drop when around you. They will look at you until you turn around, then they will look in the opposite direction, he may do something physical to try and pay you attention, he talks to everyone else, but becomes choked up when it comes to you, his behaviour may change around you, he may also turn red/blush a little.
 
How do I actually begin to flirt with someone? - Be confident! Don't be afraid to take risks and just try to make yourself noticed by going up to them, making conversation when you can and genuinely show an interest. Have fun - be spontaneous and playful! Make jokes, mess around etc. Always make eye contact and smile! Listen to what the person is saying and respond confidentially and naturally, whilst being yourself. Compliment them and make them feel good about themselves! Use your body language and facial expressions to add a bit more character to the conversation! Liven it up!
 
I get so self-conscious around people I find attractive! How can I feel more confident? - Keep practising. The more you practise, the more you will get used to it and you will learn through time. If you dislike the way you look, do your hair in a different way or change up your makeup routine. Put on a smile and pretend to be confident! Even if you're not, just try pretending as if you were in a drama class. That may help you to actually become more confident. Just don't let things hold you back. Think about what would happen if it went well. Admit how you feel. Don't let your feelings or fear get in the way of things. Just be brave and try your best. You have nothing to loose anyway!
 
Why does it seem like people are only interested in the 'perfect, popular' people? - Just because you don't look or act a certain way doesn't mean people don't notice you! I know at school it seems like everyone is interested in popularity and looks, but not everyone is like that. You shouldn't worry anyway. There is someone out there for everyone and if someone can't see your worth and how amazing you truly are just by being you, then they genuinely aren't worth it. Don't change just to try and fit in or get more attention. Popularity will mean nothing when you leave school/college. You need to try and be confident within yourself and forget what others think. Always remember that you are special and wonderful in your own way and other people's opinions will never change that.
 
Cheating 
 
Unfortunately, cheating is a part of life sometimes. It can be an extremely heart-breaking, tricky situation to deal with, but you do get over it eventually and find happiness afterwards, I promise.
 
I've just been cheated on - What do I do?! - I know exactly how it feels to be cheated on, I really do. As much as you may love the person (or think you do) and you want to keep running back to them and try to sort it out, it won't make any difference. A cheat is always going to be a cheat and you shouldn't be wasting your time on a worthless loser when you could be with someone amazing who will actually treat you right. It will be difficult at first, but you need to remove them from everything. I appreciate that may not be easy if you go to the same school or you have to see them regularly, but limit contact as much as you possibly can. Block and delete them off all social media, burn/get rid of any memories such as clothing, presents, cards, pictures etc., just generally remove every single thing that reminds you of them. Distract yourself with other things and other people in your life. Eventually, it will get easier and you will begin to stop thinking about them as much. Just remember what they did to you and how it made you feel. Do you ever want to experience it again? If you stay with them, it will most likely just happen again, so think of escaping whilst you can!
 
Should I forgive my partner for cheating on me? They said it was a mistake. They promised they won't do it again. - Whatever you do, don't make the same mistake as me. Don't ever forgive them or take them back, not even for a second. What they did to you cannot and should not be justified in any way and they shouldn't be given a chance for the same thing to happen again. They are toxic; they are poison. Get rid of them! Ignore every single word they say. It's all lies. You don't cheat on someone as a mistake. Please don't forgive them or tell them it's okay, because it absolutely 100% is not okay. Never, never, never. Put yourself & your own happiness first and leave them!!
 
Why don't people leave their partners before they cheat? - For example, if you had a boyfriend/girlfriend, but you felt attracted to someone else and you didn't feel you genuinely loved them and wanted to be with them anymore, then why didn't you break up with your boyfriend/girlfriend before going behind their back and sleeping with/doing stuff with someone else? If you no longer feel a connection, or you know you're going to go out and get drunk, don't stay with the person! Break up with them before you sleep with/have an affair with someone else. Simple.
 
I have just cheated on my partner. How can I apologise? - I really don't think there is anyway to apologise for cheating on someone. Instead of sugar-coating things and lying, I think that you should always tell the truth straight away. Be honest with your partner and explain the situation. Be honest with yourself and accept responsibility. There is no point hiding away. You must take responsibility for your actions and understand what you have done wrong. Don't beg and grovel in order to try and tempt them back. It makes you look desperate and even more pathetic. Don't hide. Face up.
 
Break-Ups
Usually, most break-ups are pretty tough to get over and they can take a long time, which is perfectly normal. However, remember that everything happens for a reason and you will find someone else.
 
I don't love my partner anymore. How do I break up with them nicely? - Falling out of love with someone is normal. It's ok to loose feelings for someone - it's a part of life. Always break up with someone in person. Never do it through text or social media. Break up with someone as soon as you decide that it's time. Don't just string someone along when you no longer have feelings for them. Realise that all break-ups will hurt and it will take time to heal, so don't beat yourself up over it. Try to part on good terms. You may bump into them sometime if you live locally and it will be a lot less awkward if you are civil with each other. Be honest and meet up properly to talk the situation and your feelings through before making any decisions. Listen to each other's point of view first.
 
My boyfriend/girlfriend has just split up with me. I'm heartbroken! - Calm down. Everything will be okay. Keep smiling, no matter what happens. Give it time to get over, because it will get easier over the next few weeks/months, but you just need to be patient and try to distract yourself. Go out to see your loved ones or give them a phone call, take up a new hobby, book a holiday, have some drinks or a pamper night one evening. Block them off everything and delete all their social media accounts from your life. Don't have anything to do with them if you don't want too. Leave yourself to have some time away from romance/dating and just focus on other people/things.
 
Even though we have broken up, is there still a chance of friendship? -  It's completely up to you. Some people may find it really awkward and uncomfortable to stay friends with an ex, but for others, it may be different. There is no right and wrong, it's just down to personal opinion and it really does depend on the situation and how you broke up. It's not my place to say what you should do!
 
I don't want my ex to love anyone else! - I understand that this can be one of the most difficult things to come to terms with, but you need to be strong and understand that it will happen eventually and it's just a part of life. You will end up loving someone else someday too, I'm sure. Just remember that your ex probably wasn't the right one for you, but there are plenty more fish in the sea. If you happen to see your ex and their new partner out and about, that's fine. Don't make eye contact, don't talk to them, just ignore them and pretend you didn't notice. It will hurt at first, but it gets easier. The way you are feeling is a completely normal, natural reaction, so please don't think you're being silly!
 
 Q&A Time
The next few questions are random ones that I haven't answered yet as I thought I'd leave them to the end as they are a little more open and miscellaneous.
 
How can I manage my boyfriend/girlfriend and my friends? - I would suggest purchasing a diary and setting dates in advance. Maybe you could ask your group of friends what their plans are for the week ahead and see what they say, then set a few dates and then find out when your partner is free and set a date on the days you aren't busy. They will all understand that you need to have a social life as well as time for your partner, so try not to worry about it and research tips if you need too. For things such as an anniversary, where you will be with your partner, if your friends wanted to meet you then you could just explain that it's your anniversary, but you will meet them the next day! Everything will work out, but you just need to stay organised and try to plan your time better.
 
What activities can I do with my boyfriend/girlfriend? - You could go to the cinema, out for a meal, go shopping, go to each other's houses, go to the park, bowling, zoo... anything at all!
 
What about if people try to get in the way and break us up? - Insignificant people do not matter! I have always had people getting in the way of relationships and trying to steal my boyfriend off me, but if your boyfriend/girlfriend is truly worth it and is committed to you and the relationship you have, then it shouldn't matter or even affect what you both have. There will always be jealousy from others, but try to talk to your partner about it and just see how it goes. Talk to the jealous person if they are really getting in the way or distance yourself from them. It will all work out, don't worry!
 
I haven't had my first kiss yet - what do I do? - I only had my first proper kiss a couple of months ago and I'm 14! It doesn't matter what age you are or anything. As long as you are ready, then that is all that matters. So what if you're 20-30 and you have never kissed anyone or done what everyone else has done. That doesn't matter! It goes to show that you have respect for yourself and your body, which is more important than popularity and fitting in with what everyone else is apparently doing. When the time is right, it will happen naturally. Tell whoever it is that you are a little nervous and if they respect you enough, they will take it slow and go at your pace. It just happens naturally. Copy what the other person does and go with the flow. It really isn't that hard, I promise you. Google it or watch YouTube videos if you need to in order to give you some peace of mind! I did it too!!
 
Everyone else is having sex and getting physical, except me. Why is this? Am I weird? - Quite often, there is a lot of pressure within today's society and a lot of competition to try and get as sexual and as raunchy as possible, when it shouldn't be that way! Be proud that you're 20 and you haven't had sex. That doesn't matter at all, neither does people's opinions. It's not their body or their life, so they shouldn't even be focusing on what you're getting up too. Take your time, do it with someone you trust and ignore what other people think. Listen to your own body and forget the crowd. Half the time, people end up regretting it as they are so young and they just want to show off, so be proud that you saved yourself and you didn't regret it! Just because people say things, it doesn't mean they are true.
 
People keep pressurising myself and my partner to do things. - Ignore them and absolutely don't do what their saying! The first time I went out with my now boyfriend, everyone was constantly pressurising us and trying to make me do things, even threatening to chuck me in the lake or the bin and they stole my phone until I kissed him! It's absolutely pathetic. You shouldn't even be around those types of people. Just forget they even exist and stay away from them as much as you can. Don't allow them to break you and your partner up. It is between you two, nobody else! They are irrelevant.
 
I really hope that this blog post helped some of you. If you have any further questions, feel free to let me know and I will try my very best to answer them. Remember, everything happens for a reason!
 
 

SHARE:
Blogger Template Created by pipdig