Sunday, 16 December 2018

Why My First 'Date' Was A Fail

Apart from writing the odd post about my ex, and heartbreak in the past, and one about a selection of the crushes I've had before, I've never really spoken about dating, or relationships as a teenager. In all honesty, I don't have as much experience as I'm sure some people my age do, but I've certainly known some interesting lads, and now that I'm taking my blog in more of a personal direction, I want to start sharing more of these stories with my fellow girls...

Just for some context, I've only been in 1 serious relationship, and that started when I wasn't far off 13, and it was all over the place until I was 15, almost 16. During that time, I experienced a traumatic event with a stranger, but that's a conversation for another day. Since then, I've been talking to, and getting to know a lot of guys, but some stick out more than others, as you would imagine. Some of them literally hit me up consistently for a month, and then disappear off the face of the Earth. I didn't realise they were considering the situation as a 30 day free trial kinda thing, but whatever.

The first guy that I'm going to be talking about isn't the first one after my ex that's memorable, but I want to ease you all in slowly. I won't be naming him, just because I'm not about that life, so let's just refer to him as Fernando for the purpose of the post. 

Fernando randomly added me on Facebook when I was getting ready to go to the gym one afternoon in June this year. To my knowledge, we had a few mutual friends, but I don't remember recognising him, so I thought I'd just message him, and see what his motives were. He claimed that he added me by accident, but I was somewhat intrigued by him, so I carried on with the small talk to see if we could become friends, or anything else (you never know!).

After literally no more than 24 hours, things had evidently escalated. He ended up telling me that he thought he was in love with me, and immediately, alarm bells started ringing in my mind. Yes, he seemed like a really nice person, but surely that comment would make any girl question his sanity slightly? As much as that put me off, I tried to look past it. He had a different persona to all of the other people I'd previously spoken to, and it felt rude to not at least give him a chance. 

So, that's what I did. We ended up becoming quite close in a matter of days. Regular sessions spent on FaceTime, sending loads of 'x's' to each other, and deep chats about who knows what. I hadn't felt genuinely connected to someone my age of the opposite gender for so long, and in all honesty, it was just nice to have someone there.

It did become quite clear to me that he did have clingy tendencies, and he was obviously the type to get attached quite quickly, which was yet another thing that sent alarm bells ringing. I used to be quite clingy back when I was with my ex, but times have changed, and I can see how uncomfortable he must have felt when I went OTT like that. It's not the kind of vibe that I'm into at allll. 

Anyway, you'll be pleased (or confused) to know that I did actually meet Fernando. Only the once, I can (thankfully) confirm, but we did actually see each other in the flesh none-the-less. 

No, he wasn't a secret psycho, no he wasn't a serial fuckboy, and no, nothing sexual happened (much to my relief). We'd planned to go on a picnic in the park local to him, which meant that I was going to get a lift to his local station, and meet him there, as he said that's right by where he lived. We both initially wanted him to come to me, because he wanted to be a gentleman, and quite frankly, I didn't want to do the chasing, but his mum seemed to be quite protective, and particular, so that caused yet another irrelavant disagreement.

On that morning, everything was going wrong from my hair, to my outfit, to the fact I had incredibly bad hayfever, and it was looking likely that I was going to be sitting on grass for however many hours. Delightful. 

I didn't even want to go anymore by the time I was ready, and I'd completely put myself off him before I'd even got in the car. I was just about to go back home as well, because it took him an age to realise where I was (another omg moment), and then he turned up holding a bouquet of flowers, and a guitar. Now, I think it's such a talent of him to be able to play an instrument, and it was super sweet of him to buy me flowers, so, of course I was grateful, but I immediately knew this wasn't the guy for me. 

I got out of the car awkwardly, and told my mum I loved her, which low-key translated to, "Please make up an excuse, which will mean I have to get back into the car". Unfortunately, she didn't get the hint, so off I went with Fernando. 

He kept walking into me, bashing my bare legs with his guitar, whilst attempting to make small talk, which actually just pissed me off even more. 

Once we got to the park, I left the decision of where to sit down to him, which resulted in us standing around like lost sheep, because he wanted the choice to be mine. Let's bear in mind that I didn't know the area at all, and he'd lived there for all of his life. I ended up just walking us over towards the back, and setting everything out there. The whole thing was just uncomfortable from start to finish. He didn't want to eat first, and neither did I, there were couples kissing, and engaging in a lot of touching all around us, the conversation was as dry as the air was on that particular Summers day, and to top it all off, Fernando whipped out his guitar, and wanted to try, and serenade me. Like that would have made any difference...

After a while, this boy that I used to fancy and his roadmen mates decided to rock up. Even more delightful! I had a thing for him in Year 7, but what I didn't realise was that Fernando had an extreme dislike for him, and 'boys like that', and they had known each other since secondary school too. Wow, what a date this was turning out to be. 

So anyway, I was staring gormlessly at these boys that were right up my street (appearance wise) matching their 'bad boy' status by casually smoking weed (I mean, I'm into confident boys, but doing that in a busy public park doesn't exactly give the right impression...), by which point, Fernando had walked off, most likely sensing my distraction. 

I then called my best girl friend at the time, and started gossiping to her, whilst poor Fernando didn't know what to do with himself.

At some point during the day, he did start coming veryyy close to me, holding my hand, and looking like he wanted to kiss me, but I wasn't having any of it. I very kindly told him that he was making me feel uncomfortable, and would it be possible for him to give me a little bit more personal space. 

Having had enough by this point, I texted my mum, and got him to walk me back to the station. Of course, he got lost, and of course, the conversation was still as dry as it was to begin with, but hey, I suppose there were a few better moments (far between...)

I felt guilty for weeks upon weeks after that, because my mum thought he seemed like an angel, and I suppose he did in many ways. However, he clearly was into me, way more than I was into him, and I felt smothered by his desires. I like a guy to be able to take control, and he was just completely different to that. 

In the end, we had a few arguments, whereby he'd just seem heartbroken, send me message after message, begging and crying for me, and then he eventually accepted that he was never actually in love with me in the first place. He just thought I was the one, but then sensed that this wasn't actually going to go anywhere. 

I always tried to be respectful of him, and polite, but it just became too much for me. Everything was happening too fast, and he wasn't able to distinguish boundaries. Yes, I probably did get too carried away in the beginning, but I soon came to my senses, and that was solidified after we had met this first time. 

What do you think about this story? Have you had any similar experiences? Let me know if you want to hear more about other guys that I've encountered in the past/am currently encounting!


Love and light always,




P.S. the photo above was actually taken on the day we were together!
And no, we don't talk anymore, although I do still have him on Snapchat for some reason. Maybe I should change that...

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