Wednesday, 12 December 2018

Moving On From Unhealthy Friendships

Recently, I've noticed myself transitioning. I mean, realistically, the whole of 2018 has been a year of growth, and recognition, but during this latter half, a change has happened that I didn't imagine would...

I cut off my group of girlfriends. Yes, you read that correctly. I intentionally cut off my group of girlfriends. You may be wondering, "why on Earth would you do that?", "what were your motives behind that choice?", "Aren't you choosing to make yourself lonely?". All of those answers will become clear by the time I've finished saying what I want to say in this post. 

I discussed being an introvert a couple of years ago on my blog (you can read more about that here), and even though I was in Year 11 at the time, and I'm now in Year 13 (at the very end of my Secondary School journey), I actually do feel almost identical to how I did back then. 

When I say that I've never been the sort of girl who enjoys being part of a group, that's just a fact in regard to my identity. From personal experience, I've always felt like the one at the sidelines. The people I have chosen to associate with throughout the years can't always relate to me, and when there's a few of us sitting around the table, it's easy for me to get talked over, and cut off. During the younger years, I'd always stand on my own, or go off with other individuals anyway, whereas this particular group stuck together like glue. They liked to mess around, and wind each other up, and I just wasn't about that life to be honest. If I was with 1 or 2 of them at a time, I could find similarities, and topics to talk about, but they saw themselves as a group from the get go, so what was the point if I couldn't get on with all of them at any given time?

Sixth Form saw things starting to look up, and I did feel more included for a short while. I'd get invited out on occasions, get support for my constant boy issues, and we were all having a laugh together at break and lunch-times. Little did I know though, 2 of them would still meet up behind my back and then post about it on socials to get the rest of us talking. It would always be just the 2 of them, and from my knowledge, it still is. 

Sometimes, I couldn't seem to say, or do anything right. I felt like I was being belittled, and even when I talked about my issues, they'd start getting dismissed, because 'everyone has down days'. Little disagreements were happening here, and there, and I decided a few weeks ago that enough was enough. 

Hence why I made the decision to stop talking to them full stop. Throughout the entirety of Sixth Form, I've wanted to focus on my own studies, and getting into University, as well as writing, going to the gym, and learning to drive, so that's exactly what I'm going to do. Except now, I'm more likely to succeed, and see results, because I don't have any unnecessary distractions. I'm not into underage parties, getting with loads of guys, or drinking everytime we meet up. There's plenty of time to do that should I wish to do so in the future, so why the rush? 

 If you're reading this post, and you can relate in any way to what I've said, please know that you're not alone in this. You won't always find 'your people' in school, college, or Sixth Form. Maybe you will in University, but maybe you won't. It doesn't matter. As long as you're polite, friendly, and smiley, what more could anyone ask for? If you're not 100% happy in a friendship, let them go. Cut them off. You should always feel valued, and equal, and if you don't, you're honestly better saving your time and energy for yourself. Just because you're alone, it doesn't mean you're lonely.

Spend these dark, cold evenings reading a book. Writing some poems. Joining in your local dance class. Binge-watching Pretty Little Liars for the 18th time on Netflix. Cuddling your puppy as they sleep. Find a new hobby, or passion and throw yourself into it.

The hardest, most time-consuming part is recognising that a friendship is unhealthy, or no longer beneficial for you, but once you have done that, moving on is a piece of cake, because you know that you're worth so much more. 

Identify patterns in the way that you're being treated, and talk to people outside of the situation about it. If alarm bells start to ring for either, or both of you, get those scissors, and cut them off. 

Remember, internet friends are just as important, and special as 'in real life' ones. A friend is a friend, regardless of how they came into your life. If they make you smile, and make you feel worthy of love, and being listened to, then that's all that should matter.

I'm always here to be a friend to any of you that may need it. My Twitter and Instagram are both @simplyjadeyx, so don't be afraid to get in touch if you fancy a chat!

Do you have any tips for moving on from unhealthy friendships? Has this post, or my introversion one helped you at all?

Love and light always,


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