Sunday, 30 September 2018

To A Selection Of Crushes I've Had Before

It goes without saying that this post is inspired by the Netflix original show 'To All The Boys I've Loved Before'. The whole nation has become obsessed with the storyline (as well as a certain Peter Kavisky/Noah Centineo), including myself, but I wanted to do something a little bit different than just the typical review.

I'm 99% sure that I saw a post similar to the one I'm about to write, but I can't for the life of me remember who published it, so in this instance, I can't give any credit, which is so annoying! 

Anyway, rather than talking about 5 boys I've loved before (purely because I've only loved one and he's got a couple of posts inspired by him and this one here dedicated to 'us'), I thought I'd talk about 5 of the most significant crushes that I've had in my 17 years of life. I won't be naming names, because that's slightly embarrassing, as well as incredibly irrelevant to all of my readers, but I will be referring to them with initials and talking you through the little story of how I came to get involved with them...

To, B.W:
How could I write these 'love' letters without putting you first? I'd never really experienced anything with a boy, not even proper friendship until you came along. We met in Turkey when I was 11 and you were 12 and those 2 weeks were still some of the best weeks of my life. It's always going to be a holiday I'll remember, and that's all because of you. You were so sweet, so genuine, so interesting and generally so mesmerising to me. You were a young boy from Wales and I was a young girl from London, but we hit it off almost immediately. You could say it was an innocent holiday romance. We played in the pool together, sat on the stairs in our swimwear talking for however long, sat on the canopy swing whilst holding hands and talking about all sorts of things. We online 'dated' after that, but it wasn't really the same. However, after periods without being in contact, I'm glad you're back in my life again, even though we aren't as close as we once were. You'll always be special to me, B, no matter how far apart we are - and you know that.

To, T.S:
I met you when I was either 13 or almost 13 and you were 15. Obviously I didn't think much of it then, because you were nothing more than a mutual friend that I was meeting for the first time, but I just remember you putting on all of these accents and making me laugh until I almost wet myself. From what I can remember, we've only met up once since then, but I'd already developed feelings for you by that point. When we messaged and FaceTimed, I always felt instantly at ease and like I could open up to you about most things. You'd say that I'm such a positive, happy girl and you'd want to settle down with someone like me. That meant a lot, coming from someone with a reputation of a fuckboy. I think you do realise that I'm different to other girls, and you don't treat me any differently. Hey, you even admitted to said mutual friend that you used to like me, so that's a result! Anyway, it's been 5 years and nothing more has happened, but we still speak regularly, so who knows what's to come?

To, J.L:
We may have only started talking in March this year (just after my birthday to be exact), but, wow, did you give me an experience to remember. I got emotionally invested quite quickly and we FaceTimed almost immediately. You're quite a popular lad, and so I naturally felt very shy and I regularly questioned why you even wanted to give me the time of day. I think it's fair to say you were more sexually confident than I was and you had suggestive ideas in mind before we had met, but you knew that I clearly wasn't comfortable and you were accepting of that. We continued to FaceTime and chat to each other, and we actually became quite close, which I can't say I expected. I'll never forget that particular FaceTime we had, whereby you told me something extremely personal to you, and explained how I was different to other girls, how you didn't want to rush things or make it all about sexual desires, you knew I wouldn't judge you and you got upset when I spoke to you about how people were nasty to me and shattered my self-esteem. Things didn't last for long though, as they never do, because you didn't want to get too involved and quite frankly, I didn't either. Since starting to speak again as friends, I now know that me not doing anything was somewhat of a 'turn off' for you, but that's okay. It clearly just wasn't meant to be. 

To, Y.E:
Where do I even start with you? I'd seen you around a couple of times at work, but we were never on the same station together or given the opportunity to talk. You came over to me one day, just by chance I assume, and introduced yourself to me, stating your name and how old you were, then proceeding to high-five me. I was so happy at the fact that someone only a year older than me was there for me to befriend, because it was slightly isolating in the early days. I didn't want to seem like a freak, but I added you on Facebook, and we got along straight away. You told me you liked my soul and that I was a masterpiece, because of my poems. You said that I'm an angel and you haven't ever met an angel before and to be honest, I couldn't have asked for a sweeter compliment. Unfortunately, things quickly turned a bit sour, as you got involved with some people in the workplace that I didn't want to get involved with, and so for now, we have gone our separate ways. That's also okay though. I understand, because everything happens for a reason, as the saying goes.

To, M.J:
No, believe me when I say this isn't about the late Michael Jackson. Having said that though, you are incredibly musically gifted and you do have jet black hair like him, so those are some similarities! All jokes aside though, you're a complicated one to be fair. We've always had a thing since about the end of Year 10/beginning of Year 11, but from what I recall, we never even spoke once in school. I'd see you in the hallway, knowing that we'd be sending Snapchats to each other later on, but we weren't ever 'friends'. You would play the drums, as your twin sung during the school performances and I'd sit in the crowd, knowing that I literally fancied the pants off you. Since leaving school last Summer, we've actually formed quite a good friendship too. I talk to you about random shit on my mind, but we don't regularly charm each other anymore. It was just always so fun and so light-hearted, but with a lot of secret chemistry involved. That's the fun of it when you're teens though, right?

So, that just about sums up this post! I have, of course, had plenty more crushes than just these 5, but I thought I'd pick out the ones that I don't have any bad vibes with and that I think there's more of a story to tell. If any of you are reading this, just know that it's all love on my behalf and I'm thankful for the experiences we've had with each other, even if they haven't all been rosy.

Do you like this sort of post idea? Have you seen 'To All The Boys I've Loved Before?'

Lots of love always,


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