Sunday, 1 July 2018

To Me

Dear Jadey,

This life hasn't been easy to you at the best of times. There have been plenty of hurdles that you have faced throughout your 17 years on this Earth so far, but there have also been some magical, memorable moments that will most likely stick with you forever. 

Things haven't ever been straightforward and they haven't ever really been without a little drama either. Living in a fairly cramped flat, whilst having to witness your parents turbulent relationship day in and day out up until you were 6 years old wasn't exactly ideal and it isn't something that any young person should have to refer to as being their childhood. Those times that you stayed with your grandparents were a godsend and that's something which continued until you were 11 and about to start Secondary School in a different area. You honestly don't know what you would have done if you didn't have Grandma and Grandad around during those years, because no other family lived close by and in all honesty, it was nice to have a bit of normality.

Although you may have had less of the 'traditional' upbringing, you're happy with the way things worked out. Of course, you would have loved for your dad to have been in your life, but he wasn't and he still isn't really, but that's just something you have learnt to accept as time goes on and you surround yourself with others on a daily basis. Your grandparents supported yoe immensely during that period in your life and even though you don't live with them for half of the week anymore, they are still without a doubt your favourite people in the whole universe. You wouldn't have dedicated an entire post to them otherwise!

Despite the fact that a major part of your upbringing was negative, that doesn't mean that it was all doom and gloom. You did have some wonderful memories that you will treasure forever and you was generally a positive, smiley, but very shy little girl. 

When you started Secondary School, things got a little bit tougher. You didn't have the best end to Primary School, even though you loved it compared to Secondary School for the most part and all you wanted more than anything was a fresh start. It was a new area, new people, new teachers, new subjects - new everything, really! You were so excited, but also so nervous, because you just didn't know what to expect and there was only 1 familiar face that was going to be joining this new beginning with you. You honestly can't say you have many happy memories from Year 7-9. You was really struggling with your mental health and self-esteem back then and you were also being bullied and isolated on a daily basis. You may have only been 11-14, but things were very dark for you back then and you didn't think you would ever be truly happy. You met C when you were just about to enter Year 9 and that's when things changed. As you grew more comfortable with him, it was like you became a different person. You felt supported, understood, safe, stable - and most importantly, you felt like you were happy for the first time in a long time. You had isolated myself from your group of girl friends and you relied on him to be your little ray of light back then. However, him still being a young boy, not even a teenager at the time did mean that he'd mess about, get in trouble and start rapidly falling off track. We tried to remain the same for as long as we could, but in the end, things got too tough and you decided that it would be best if we ended the relationship.

It's crazy to think that the person who can be responsible for your happiness for so many months can gradually become responsible for those endless nights of tears and misery too. Your first love will always hit you the hardest and the memories won't ever go away, especially when they have given you so many to remember. You got through the toughest stage of the heartbreak though, Jadey, and believe me when I say you have become so much stronger for it. 

Many situations and many individuals have tried to break you. There has been lies, drama, blackmail, bribery, threats, financial difficulties and so much more that little Jadey wouldn't ever imagine she would go through. You're going through yet another stage of growth right now and that will most likely continue until you (hopefully) set off to University next year. 

At this moment in time, the world is your oyster. Your future is quite literally in your own hands and you are absolutely in control of where you are set to go next. You have achieved so much in only 17 years, my love. You have survived the toughest of times, got through Secondary School, dealt with numerous f**kboys and told them where to go, landed your first job, continued with your blog, pushed yourself out of your comfort zone, started writing your own book set for publication and you have proven to yourself that you are better than you ever thought you were. 

Baby Jadey would be so proud of you. Your determination, dedication, passion and kind heart have brought you this far and they are the traits that will encourage you to face your fears and shoot for the stars.

I loved you then and I love you now. Forever and always girl.



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