Sunday, 9 July 2017

A Girls Guide To: Heartbreak


Don't get me wrong, I'm no Paddy McGuinness when it comes to love and I'm certainly not a heartbreak healer either.

Having said that, I've been around for 16 years, so I've had my fair share of boy dramas, including a pretty complicated relationship, which unfortunately resulted in a breakup. I've also helped people with their own troubles and throughout the years, I've learnt a thing or two that I feel I should share with you all in today's post, as you may find it somewhat helpful.

Heartbreak is never easy for anybody to get through. You could be the toughest cookie known to man, but there will still be certain romantic situations that rip your heart in two. That's just life. Love can often be so complicated and when there's all different emotions building up between two people, it's usually inevitable that there's going to be some sort of explosion in the end.

No matter how long you have been with your significant other for, it never really hurts any less. You could have been together for 2 weeks or 2 years, but where there are feelings, there will always be some level of heartbreak involved and that's something which is just out of anyone's control.

Things always have to get worse before they get better. Once you have hit rock bottom, that's as bad as it will get. Things will only move onwards and upwards after that point, believe me. You might not see it at first, but gradually the clouds will begin to clear. It's all about taking baby steps and finding that strength from within yourself. You don't need a partner or a love interest to validate your worth. You don't need another human to provide you with happiness and give you a reason to wake up each morning. You are your own person and just because you may be single and one past lover didn't end up as your prince or princess, it doesn't mean you won't find that in someone else down the line.

I think the saying 'don't forget to fall in love with yourself first' speaks volumes here. You need to find solace within your soul, comfort within your own body. You need to nourish and nurture yourself both emotionally and physically. I know it's easier said than done, but with the right frame of mind, you can get there and each day, you will make more and more progress until eventually, you're somewhat okay. Don't try to move on by jumping into bed with a stranger straight away. That will only add to the complications and leave you feeling even more confused and conflicted than you were in the first place. Give yourself time away from the person. Don't stalk them on social media. Don't go to the place you know they'll be just because you want to make them jealous. Love shouldn't be a game, break-ups shouldn't be a game or a matter of revenge.

Allow yourself to feel however your heart is telling you to feel. If you're emotional and particularly sensitive, just have a cry and do it as much as you need to. Let it all out. Everything happens for a reason and in this life, we only become stronger by the hardships we have to get over. Allow yourself time to heal and recognise how important your family and your friends are. Remind yourself that you were whole before he/she came along and you will remain whole even after they have made their exit. No one is you and that is your power.

If you think about it, you are always going to be the one person that sticks around. You will always have yourself, your own body and your own mind. There isn't ever a guarantee that friends, family or significant others will stick around even half as long as you will be stuck with yourself. So, find contentment in your own company. Enjoy figuring yourself out. Work on yourself and your own identity. Of course, take time to rethink and reflect, but then learn from that past relationship and if it's clear that you're better off as friends in the future or as nothing more than past lovers who aren't in touch, accept that and try to find love in someone else when the time is right. It's okay to be selfish for a while and put yourself first. Just remember that if it's meant to be, it will be.


I'm going to end this post with a little poem that I wrote a while ago, inspired by similar feelings of hopelessness and heartbreak. I hope it helps some of you..

When you are broken in two
Don't try to find yourself at the bottom of a bottle
When the tears won't stop falling down your face
Don't try to find solace in sleeping with a stranger
When your heart begins to collapse as a result of the heartbreak
Don't try to create another temporary version of the person that you are by dabbling in recreational drugs
Do not question his/her motives
Do not fall apart over his/her actions
You are more than enough, my love
If he/she couldn't handle that
Then he/she simply wasn't enough for you

- JM

Lots of love always,
 





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