Tuesday, 9 May 2017

Don't Settle For A F**kboy

All in all, it's been a pretty painful 3 years in regards to my love life. I've been in love with a f**kboy for 3 years. Considering I'm only 16 years old, that's quite a long time to be in love - especially as it's all blown up in flames now anyway.

I'm not going to be nasty, or bitter towards my ex, because that isn't the purpose of this post. The purpose is to hopefully empower or encourage other young woman in the same way that I have so desparately needed empowering and encouraging throughout these past few years. I don't want people to have to go through this pain, so I'm going to try and help prevent it.

When we were together properly (ignoring the 2 previous disasters), we lasted 9 months. That may not sound like a particularly long time, but to me, it meant everything.

Now, don't get me wrong, we weren't 100% committed to each other (certainly not on his part anyway) and at such a young age, I didn't really expect much more than that if I'm honest. I think that because it was my first relationship, I did initially expect it to be all sunshine and rainbow, much like it appears to be in a fairytale and I wasn't aware that in reality, this wasn't going to be the case.

I'm not writing this post to go into the ins and outs of our romantic history. I don't really feel like that's relevant and besides, I've already touched on it in the past. To cut the incredibly long, complicated story short, I have been romantically involved with my ex for the past 3 years, so since I was 13. Going through hormonal changes and beginning to develop into a teenager is hard enough, but then getting intimate with something throughout those intense years is even harder and it adds layers to the situation that probably wouldn't have been there otherwise if we were both fully-fledged adults.
I genuinely did love my ex and I'm going to be honest in saying that I probably will always have feelings for him, deep down. I did anything and everything for him. I would have literally swam across the sea just to be by his side and have him tell me that he loved me one last time.

Unfortunately, some fairytale's just aren't meant to be. Sometimes, the person that you thought was going to end up as your prince actually isn't the one that you were destined to get your happy ever after with. That's how it is in my case.

Throughout your life, you will come across many f**kboys. It pains me to say that, but it's the cold, hard truth. There will be boys that lead you on, use you and play with your emotions just so they can get what they want, because they are lusting after that moment of pleasure and they are hoping that you will satisfy their desires.

In all honesty, I have had this happen to me many times and I've seen it happen to the people that I care about most. It's horrible and it makes me disgusted that people feel as though it's okay to string others along, just so that they can benefit from it. Us girls fall quickly and easily and that is not our fault. We can't help how we naturally feel and we shouldn't be the ones that get the blame.

All I can say is that you deserve better than this. You deserve more than to be glanced at, explored and then completely destroyed just to end up being flung back on the shelf again. I know you want to feel special. I know you want to feel like your body is a blessing that boys admire. I know you crave someone that will trace the crevices of your being with their delicate fingertips.

And I promise you that person will come along - one day.

Please don't settle for a f**kboy. Please don't cry yourself to sleep each night, tossing and turning, because you can't possibly fathom the fact that he's given you yet another measly excuse. Please don't give away your beautiful body and your sensational soul to someone who's just going to tear you apart and rip you into shreds. If someone is giving you signs that they don't care, believe them. Respect yourself enough to know when it's time to let go. Don't chase after him, my love. If he wants to walk away and miss out on spending a lifetime with a princess like yourself, then he quite simply isn't worth it. Let him carry on being a narcissistic waste of space. You can and you will get better than that, someday.

It may take you weeks, months or even years. I know it will be one of the most difficult things that you will have to go through, but coming out as a stronger, sassier woman on the other side will make the whole struggle worth it. You are capable of more than you believe and you don't need an immature boy to jeopardise your future. As hard as it is, you need to gradually distance yourself and focus on what's important. If you want to talk to them and be friends in the future, then I'm certainly not the person to stop you. I just don't want you to get walked over and treated like crap, because you are so much more than that.  

Much like the flower in the photo I chose specifically above, you will blossom and you will bloom into a beautiful, brave woman. You will go on to achieve many great things and you will gain the genuine sparkle back in your eyes.

One day, you won't wince at the sound of his name. One day, you won't let out a scream at the sound of his voicemail. One day, you won't yearn for his presence under your bed sheets.

One day, you will set him free and you will be as happy as you possibly can be.

Lots of love always,


Monday, 1 May 2017

Writing Poetry


It all started in a Citizenship class that I was having in Year 7. That was when I discovered the passion that I have for poetry.
I'm not talking about the Shakespeare or Jane Austen type here (no disrespect), but I mean modern poetry and the fact that it's a way in which I can express even my deepest thoughts.  
With many things in my life, particularly relationships and personal struggles, I always used to feel helpless, because I didn't know how I was supposed to deal with them. When I had a particular Citizenship lesson one day, I got the chance to write a poem to see what I could come up with. To my surprise, I was actually more skilled at it than I had originally thought.
After that, I gradually began writing poetry more and more regularly. It didn't necessarily always rhyme, but it told a story straight from the heart. It was raw, it was emotional, it was real.
For the past 3 years, I've been writing poems whenever I've felt the need to express emotions or reflect on experiences. I'm not going to lie, most of them are romantic or about a particular ex that I've struggled to move on from, but that's just because upsetting poems about love and breakups are much easier to write from the heart and the honesty is often valued much more than sugar-coated rubbish.
If any of you do struggle with your emotions or you find it difficult to process certain things, I'd definitely suggest writing them down. Whenever a thought comes to mind, just write it down. You don't have to turn it into a Shakespeare inspired piece, but poetry really can be anything that you make it. Even just writing a few lines about how sad your feeling could count as a poem! Writing can be really therapeutic and it can help you to come to terms with your thoughts and then find the words to tell the people that you love and care about most.
Depending on what all of you think, I would be more than happy to share some of my poems with you in the future. I do have a poetry account, but I haven't been brave enough to make that public just yet, so you will have to try and encourage me if that's something that you'd want to see! If enough people would be interested, then I suppose I could consider it!
Do you read/write poetry? What do you think about using it as a form of self-expression?
Lots of love always,

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