Wednesday, 23 November 2016

Dear Diary: Dealing With A Breakup

After a very long time, I feel like I'm finally ready to write this post. You may think that I've become much more open on my blog in recent months, and that's true to some extent. However, I've never spoken about this topic, because I was never really in the right frame of mind to do so. Over the past few weeks, I've thought about it more, and more, and I've managed to put things into perspective now. I'm ready. I'm ready to open up.

If you have been reading my blog for a while, then you might remember way back when I did the boyfriend tag. I also mentioned my boyfriend in a few posts, and I shared pictures of us on both my blog, and my Instagram.

I'd say that we were on, and off for roughly 2 years, but our entire history is complicated, and it's not the sort of thing that you randomly go into. Something that you have to remember is that because I blog, it means that I'm much more willing to share my life with both people that I know, and people that I probably don't know as well, if at all.
Even though that's the sort of person I am, there's always going to be a limit to how much I can actually share. Certain things have to be kept private. I'm not the sort of person that would sit behind a screen, and publish inappropriate, offensive things about the personal lives of others. That would be wrong, and immoral in many ways. I'm not doing this post to slate anyone, and I'm not doing it as a form of revenge. I'm doing it, because I like to share my experiences with my readers, and I'd like to help people if I can in any way.

As I've already mentioned, myself, and my previous boyfriend were in an on, and off type of relationship. For a couple of months, we were just friendly, and flirty, then we were like that, and in a relationship for a while, but both times we tried to make it work, it just didn't for one reason, or another. After many ups, and downs, we decided to try again last February. We were both at the same school, but in different years, and it just felt like the right thing to do. We spent months getting to know each other, hanging out, and seeing how things went, and it was all going really well.

However, we all know what life is like. Things never stay a certain way. They constantly change, and progress, and sometimes, we are faced with challenges. Maybe individually, or maybe in relationships, friendships, or as a family. Unfortunately, I lost a lot of trust in this particular boy. He'd done a lot of things over quite a large period of times (we're talking a few months), and it got a little bit out of hard. I was in Year 10 at this point, so I was well into GCSE mode, and I'd find myself in tears, feeling as though I was at a loose end, at the age of 14. We'd try to sort things out, and we'd try to make it work somehow, but things would only stay hopeful for a couple of weeks, and then they'd just come crashing down again. Relationships aren't meant to be that way. They are meant to be built on trust, communication, honesty, and loyalty. If I'm being honest myself here, I have to admit, our relationship didn't have any of those things towards the end of it.
I'm not saying it was all his fault. I was very insecure, jealous, and paranoid, so that probably wasn't easy to deal with, but all of these feelings had stemmed from his actions within those few months.

Even though it seems like I've just jumped straight into the negative things, there were (surprisingly) positives too. He was an incredibly understanding person, most of the time. He'd always support, and encourage me to do what I wanted to do, especially when it came to my blog, and he'd never judge, or put me down about anything, whether I considered it to be a big deal, or not. He was very funny, and he could always make people laugh, or put a smile upon their face. I could share absolutely anything with him, and I knew that he would try his best to comfort me, or make it as okay as it could be. He helped me to understand my anxious mind, and he helped me to gain a tonne of confidence.

The fact that he was in with the wrong crowd, and interested in messing about with girls, fighting, and essentially, ruining his own life made it very difficult to find a way to work things out.

We broke up in September 2015.

Since then, he's been with numerous other girls, and he hasn't been loyal to any of them at all. I will admit, I did still meet up with him behind people's backs, and have a somewhat romantic fling with him. I'd keep running back, trying to be there for him, in an attempt to help him sort his life out. Truthfully, I don't think he ever wanted my help.

It's now been a couple of months since I last spoke to him, or met up with him. He has found someone else, and I have my heart set on someone else too. There are no hard feelings on my part. I don't hate him, and I don't wish any negativity towards him, or his girlfriend. What's done is done, and within the past 2 months, I've come to accept that, and learn from it.

He's taught me a lot about myself, other people, and about relationships. I've become stronger, happier, and more confident since I let go. It was the best decision, for the both of us.
Although we don't talk anymore, I'm still grateful for what he taught me, and I won't forget anything about the experience. I'll remember all of the memories - the good, and the bad.

If you're currently going through a breakup, I have some words of wisdom that I want to share with you...

Listen to what your loved ones say, but make up your own mind as to whether you want to take action. I always listened to what my friends, and family said, but at the time, I did what I wanted to do, and what felt right for me. The majority of them were still there when I realised I'd gone wrong, but sometimes, you need to make your own mistakes, and learn from them. Take in what people say, weigh it all up, and then decide what you want to do.

Don't be afraid to let go. It may seem hard, but it's for the best. I know how difficult letting go is, as you can see from this post. Sometimes, even if your heart is telling you to hold on, you have to be realistic, and let go of that person, and the connection that you had. Read the signs. If things are going wrong time after time, then chances are, they won't get any better. Let go, and start moving on before you become truly trapped in the mind set, and the relationship. You don't want to leave it until it's too late.

Give yourself time to feel, and heal. Take it slow. Move on whenever you're ready to move on. Take each day as it comes, and slowly detach yourself. Unfollow them on Instagram. Throw away that present they got you for your 16th birthday. Stop re-reading those old messages. You're only poisoning yourself. The other person probably couldn't care less anymore. I know its harsh, but if they truly cared, then I doubt you'd even be here in the first place. You do you. Cry until you can cry no more. Write down all your feelings, then rip them up. Take a day off, and dedicate it to sleeping, and eating crap. Once you have done all of that, it's time to heal. Focus your mind on your work, your hobbies, your friends, and your family. Make plans. Go travelling. Do new things. Pamper yourself. Go out for a meal. They're in the past for a reason, boo. So, leave them there.

Remind yourself of your future, and how much happier you're going to be now they're gone. You may not feel it right now. I mean, it took me just over a year to get over my past relationship, but once you're over it, there's no going back. Nowadays, I look towards my future. I think about my blog, my GCSE's, my friends, my family, and enjoying life as much as I can, whilst I still can. Do you really want to lay in your bed every night, wondering who the love of your life is sending flirty texts to? Do you want to make him/her the centre of attention, considering you're not even an option for them anymore? Don't waste your time.

Give yourself time to be alone. This is honestly so important. Everyone thinks that being by yourself is such a terrible thing, but it's not at all! It allows you to analyse things, and think about everything that has happen. You're able to clear your mind, and settle down your thoughts, and emotions. We all need time on our own sometimes. When you next find yourself getting down about it, don't. Remember this. It's going to be okay.

Thank you so much for reading this post. I was actually quite nervous to post it, so hopefully I get the sort of response that shows I've helped, or comforted a few of you. If I have, please let me know, either by commenting, or messaging me privately on my social media. Alternatively, if you feel as though you still need some support, but you don't know who to turn to, then you're more than welcome to message me, and we can talk it through together. You're my strong, sassy soldiers, remember!

It's going to be okay, my lovelies. You may get flashbacks, and there may be times where you so desperately want that person back. You probably will always remember them, and the moments that you spent together - the memories that you made with each other.
Whatever you do, please don't go back. You deserve more than that, I'm telling you. Just because you loved them once upon a time, it doesn't mean you can't move on to find happiness in someone else. You can, and you will. Just give it time. Don't give your ex the satisfaction, knowing that you're hurting, and falling apart. Smile, keep your head up, and show them that you're moving on, even if you are in fact hurting, and falling apart. They want you to feel that way. They want to rub their new relationship in your face. Don't you dare let them. You are so much better than that. I promise you. You just gotta believe it.

~Breakups hurt, but losing someone who doesn't respect, and appreciate you is actually a gain, not a loss~

Lots of love always,

Jade xo


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