Wednesday, 8 June 2016

Let's All Have A Casual Chat: Facing Your Fears


After having a conversation with my grandma a couple of weeks ago, the idea for doing this sort of post came about. I've featured a few different topics on my blog, which are related to the series 'Let's All Have A Casual Chat' and so I thought this would be the perfect opportunity to do another one! The previous topic was about having self-confidence and that honestly had such a positive response that I knew I wanted to continue talking about more personal topics that I feel have the potential to be relatable, which could therefore help some people. I refer to it as being a 'casual chat', because I want people to read these more personal posts and feel as though they are just simply talking to their best friend. I know that some people may refer to me as a stranger, because that's essentially what I am, as there could be quite a few of you that haven't spoken to me before, but I still don't want it to feel that way. I want you to feel like you know me and you can relate to me, so that's why I write these personal posts. They are also quite therapeutic to me. If you're a fellow blogger, then there's more of a chance that you will know what I'm talking about, but anyway, keep reading and you shall see!

Ever since I started going to primary school, I have never, ever been a huge fan of P.E. Physical education isn't something that I absolutely despise, but what I do despise is most of the P.E. lessons that I have had throughout the years. I'm fine if we are in the gym now that I'm in secondary school or if we are doing something that's more fun and light-hearted rather than intense and with a structure to it, but I guess that's just my personal preference. Over the years, I have skipped these lessons or I have pretended to be ill, just so that I could get out of them and I know for a fact that I'm not the only person who feels this way. I understand that physical education is compulsory within schools until you reach the end of Year 11, but knowing that I only have just over a year left isn't really making me feel much better, if I'm honest with you. Regardless of whether I know what we are going to be doing in the next lesson or not, I can't help but feel fear whenever the thoughts enter my mind. As I mentioned, this is no surprise to me. It isn't something that's only started happening recently. It's been going on ever since I first started having P.E. lessons and I'm not ashamed to admit that either.

It's no secret that I'm not the slimmest of girls. I don't go out for afternoon jogs, I don't have a dog that I can talk for a walk and I don't really have anywhere locally that I can go for a walk near either. I mean, I'm sure I could make the effort to go a little further if I did want the exercise, but who's to say that's what I want? The fact that I'm curvy shouldn't hold me back at all! I do feel judged, compared to most people, but just remember, you aren't the only one thinking that way and more often than not, people are so focused on themselves and how they look that they won't even notice you. I'm going off on a bit of a rant now, but what I'm trying to say is that P.E. lessons are one of my fears. It may sound silly to some of you, maybe even ridiculous, but it's just the way it is and I can't help that.
We all have something that we fear. Maybe for some of us, there is more than one thing.
I know I have more than one thing. Trust me, I do have slightly bigger worries than just one double P.E. lesson a week!

The whole point of this post is for me to tell you what my grandma told me. I guess it's essentially a way for me to offload the wisdom she passed onto me, to you. If that makes any sense at all. It does to me, but then again, I'm not sure everyone in the world understands that way my mind works and I'm totally okay with that, believe me!
I was getting myself all worked up and upset, because I knew that in the P.E. lesson I had the day after, we were going to have to do the fitness tests. For those of you who may not be in education anymore or who may not be aware of the way the government works in our country, the fitness tests are essentially a set of, well, tests, where you are expected to count the amount of press-ups and sit-ups you can do, how long you can keep running back and forth in the gym for when the bleep continuously goes off (hence why it's called the bleep test!), how far you can jump, how high you can jump and so on. You get the jist, right? Anyway, these tests are the bane of my life. They happen every half term, so once in the Autumn, Winter, Spring and Summer. I cannot tell you how much I genuinely dread them! I was trying to explain to my grandparents how worried I get and the later it got in the evening, the more I became adamant that I wasn't going to go into school the next day. I kept trying to practise, but I just couldn't get the hang of doing sit-ups or press-ups and I honestly just wanted to give up until it was all over!

 My grandma, as always, was incredibly reassuring and supportive. She told me that it wasn't a big deal. Not everybody can be good at everything. If you sat one of the P.E. teachers down to do an essay, then they probably wouldn't even have a clue where to start, whereas I can do essays perfectly fine, if I do say so myself! If you genuinely can't do something, even if you have tried countless times, then it doesn't matter. It isn't the be all and end all. The teachers may think that everybody is capable of engaging in physical activity, but that isn't the case at all! Just because they are qualified in it doesn't mean that everybody can be perfect and get the hang of it straight away. You don't need to stay off school for a whole day, just because of an hour and a half P.E. lesson. It may be difficult and it may be an unpleasant experience, but you have to go and face your fears head on. If people judge you or laugh at you and they act as though it's the easiest thing in the world, then so what? They aren't you. You may be incredible at English and writing essays, but you may not be able to run very quickly or do sit-ups. Who cares? If they say "Oh, why can't you do it, that's soo easy! Look how well I can do!", then just simply applaud them and say "I'm glad you are so talented, that's excellent for you, but I'm not like that and I'm not as skilled in that respect, which I'm completely fine with". I kept trying and then I eventually managed to do a couple of sit-ups with my mum helping me. I'd managed a couple and that was enough for me. At least I had tried and I had pushed myself.

I felt incredibly anxious for the rest of that night, but that's okay. I went into school the next day into my P.E. lesson, I got on the floor in an attempt to do a sit-up and I couldn't even get myself up for half a one. People laughed. People thought it was weird. But, I didn't care! I just laughed along with them, because at least I tried and I didn't let my fear stop me from missing a day of my education.

The moral of the story is that it honestly doesn't matter. We are all capable of doing amazing things and achieving some of our wildest dreams, but there will always be things we can't do as well as others. It's no good comparing yourself either. I understand it's difficult, because I'm a victim of this myself, but you just have to try and accept the fact that you can't be perfect at everything. You aren't the only one who has fears either! I bet there are at least 10, if not many more, people in this world that have the same fear(s) as you. Just don't shy away from them, afraid to admit it. Be open and honest. Accept the fear and challenge it. Face it head on. Don't ever let it hold you back. Don't you dare!

Why should you have to pass up opportunities just because of the thoughts digging away at you inside your head? I'm not just talking about P.E. either - I'm talking about anything!
Always open up about it and don't be afraid. Never be afraid. You are so much bigger and stronger than your fear. Don't let it control you. YOU are in control. Think of it as the ant under your shoe. Stamp on it. Stamp on it everyday until it eventually fades more and more. It may not ever go away completely, but at least you're trying to not let it get the better of you.

Unfortunately, I do still worry about P.E. lessons and I don't think that will change. I've realised that I prefer going to the gym when we do get the chance to go, because I feel less restricted and I know that I can go at my own pace. I go in with a smile on my face and I just power through, trying to enjoy it, even if I have to grit my teeth for the most part! Just think about it this way. Nothing lasts forever. So, just ride the wave whilst you have to and before you know it, you won't have to put up with your fear for much longer, as similarly to me, you won't have it in your life anymore or you will just find a way to cope that works for you. Think of me if ever you're facing your fears. We can get through them together.

Have you ever been in a similar situation to me? Let me know how you deal with fear!

Lots of love always,

Jade xo

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