Wednesday, 23 December 2015

A Love Letter To Myself: 100th Post

Dear Jade,
2015 has been a complete rollercoaster of a year. There have been some incredible highs, but also some devastating lows. I can't believe that we are now gradually nearing the end, and we are fast approaching 2016! Where has the time gone? It's quite literally flown by!
During the past year, you have learnt a lot, and you have achieved more things than I could have ever imagined. I understand that 2014 wasn't your best year. You went through a lot of personal struggles, and there were so many times when you wanted to give up, buy you got through it - you go girl!

You started off 2015 on a high. You vowed that you were going to try your best to be positive, and stay strong through everything. January actually did start off very well. You suspected that the year probably wasn't going to be easy, because let's be real, when is life ever easy, but you had told yourself that you were going to make the most of it, and turn things around from the past few years. Nothing that eventful really happened in January for you. You struggled quite a lot when you first went back to school, but I think that as time has gone on, you have learnt to deal with what other people think, and now, it doesn't even really bother you half as much as it did back then. You were happy, and you were trying to be positive, but at the same time, you still felt kind of low. You were excited to see what the next 12 months had to offer for you though.
In February, you started your relationship with Charlie. You honestly couldn't have been happier if you tried. It was like everything that had gone so horribly wrong in previous years had just completely fallen together, like your jigsaw puzzle had finally fit into one piece. You really did deserve that happiness though. I know you didn't believe that you did at the time, but you honestly did. You lasted 7 months with him, even though it was quite a rocky relationship at times. You never knew what love was until you met him, and got involved with him. He helped you through some of your darkest times, and he was one of the people who guided you towards the light at the end of the tunnel. You also met some incredible friends this year, and they were there for you during the highs, and the lows. You did lose some friends, but they weren't ever worth your time in the first place. The ones who are meant to be in your life have came, and stuck by you, so that's all that matters. You now know who to keep close to your heart, and who you can trust. You're aware of the people that have done you wrong, and believe me girl, you aint ever letting them losers back in your life again! You can now enter 2016 with the right people by your side, and you can focus on giving them love, and affection. The haters don't matter. Nuh uh.

There have been many highlights for you in 2015 and above is a collage of some of them. Back in April, you started up your very own blog. You had no idea if you would stick at it, or even if you would get anywhere at all, but now, you have come further than you could have ever imagined. You may not have the most followers, but you have made yourself so proud, and you have learnt so much over the past few months. You have made new friendships, and strengthened old ones, you have discovered new places, and you have also learnt many life lessons along the way. You may have gone through many difficulties, and sometimes, you would want to give it all up, but that's okay. Life isn't meant to be perfect. You can't expect to wake up everyday to find yourself greeted with love, and sunshine. Things will be difficult, and there may be times where you can't even summon up the strength to get out of bed in the morning to face the day, but that's allowed.
Not everyone will like you, and sometimes you will feel like your world is falling apart, but each day, you will get stronger, and each day, you will remind yourself of why you are alive. What other people think of you is irrelevant. That's none of your concern. You do you, and leave them to do things their way. Don't allow negative people to interfere with your mindset. You are here on this Earth to be able to change people's lives, and positively make a difference in whatever way you can. I am so, so proud of everything that you have come through this year, and everything that you have managed to achieve. There are still some days where it feels like you're falling into that depressive, deadly hole again, and sometimes when you're in that mind-set, you not only take it out on yourself, but you also take it out on those who love you the most. You need to learn to stop being so harsh, and to stop pushing people away. You now know who cares about you, and who genuinely wants to be in your life for as long as they possibly can. So, stop taking it out on them when all they want to do is help you, and don't over-react quite so much, when there really is no need to. Just listen to your heart, and your loved ones. You can't go wrong with that Jadey. Don't ever doubt your gut instincts. If you feel that something is wrong, or there's something not quite right about someone, then chances are that you're right. And if you feel anxious, or unsafe in any sort of situation, regardless of what it is, then remove yourself. There have been far too many occasions where you have put yourself in danger, or at risk of danger, and that's not okay. That's never okay. Back then, you should have just walked away. I know you felt a sense of uncertainty, and discomfort, but you should have just walked off, even if it meant walking off on your own. Now you are always with at least one person you feel safe with, so let's hope there will be no more of these situations next year.

Although you have still experienced your fair share of ups, and downs this year (what do you expect, you are human!), I am still so immensely proud of you, and all that you have achieved. It's not only just the little things, like continuing to go to school every day, even though at times you feel suffocated with fear, and dread, or never failing to have a smile on your face. You always try to be smiley, and positive. It may not work at times, but you try, and that's all that matters. But, as I said, I'm not only proud of those little achievements. I'm also proud, because of the bigger things that you have achieved. You met up with one of your close friends Megan, and you travelled all the way by yourself, and spent the whole day up in London together. You even managed to have one of the best days ever, without getting yourself into a complete panic! Go you! You also went to Southend, and went on all of the rollercoasters that you were in awe of, yet petrified of for the past 5, or more years of your life. I mean, it may not seem like a big deal to some people, but it was very difficult for you to overcome those fears, but you did, and you had an amazing time. It feels good to be proud of yourself, doesn't it? I know you don't often give yourself much praise Jadey, but you really haven't done too badly this year girl. You still get very anxious, and you blow things way out of proportion on a daily basis, but hey, that's you. And that's okay. You have your regular mood swings, and you scream, and shout, and moan, and groan for hours on end, maybe even days on end. But, hey. That's you. And that's also okay. In the words of Jess Glynne, don't be so hard on yourself. Don't put yourself down, just because things are starting to get better, and you are beginning to see the sun through those ever looming clouds. It's okay to be happy. I know you find it scary when happiness comes to you, and you feel like you have to push it away, and say no to it, because you don't believe that you deserve happiness, but you do! Listen to your heart, and listen to what your loved ones are saying. They care, Jadey. They want you to be happy. It doesn't do you any good to come home crying, and to threaten that you are going to stop talking to people, just because you've had a rubbish day due to other reasons that are in no way whatsoever related to that person. You are such a positive, loving girl, who has so much to give. So, instead of trying to improve other people's happiness, and positivity levels all of the time, you should split it 50/50. Of course, you should help, and support other people as much as you possibly can, but don't you dare neglect yourself in the process. You are as worthy of love as anyone else is. So, please listen to yourself here, and stop denying the fact that you deserve love, and happiness.

I know that next year is going to be an amazing year for you. You have learnt so much, and come so far during 2015, and I have no doubt in my mind that you will succeed even further during 2016. I'm sure that so many doors are going to open for you - more than you could ever imagine, and each day, you will continue to not only amaze yourself with what you achieve, but those around you, who love you the most. I expect that you will surpass 100 followers, make even more people happy with the words that you use, strengthen your friendships, and relationships with certain special people in your life, succeed throughout the whole of Year 10, which is your first year of GCSE's, become more involved in the things that you enjoy (reading, writing, singing, baking, photography, blogging, and a few others), learn how to manage your time properly, capture, and create many more memories with your loved ones, and I also hope that you learn to be genuinely happier, and less stressed, if you can help it. I have no doubt that you will try to make the year as amazing as it can be. I do think it would be a beneficial idea if you set a couple of small goals though. I'm not going to say resolutions, as neither you, or I believe in setting 'resolutions' as such, but I have an idea of some of the goals you should set yourself. They are all achievable, and they will all help you in some way.

Try to gain some confidence within yourself, and don't be so doubtful
Learn how to manage your time, and organise your life a little better
Go out of your comfort zone - say yes to any opportunity you feel will help you
Up your blogging game - work on the photography, writing, and layout in general
Try to be kinder, and more understanding to everyone - forget the arguments
Make exciting plans, as often as possible, and get out whenever you can
Continue to get involved in the things that you love, and that make you most happy
Take some time out to relax, and recharge. It will do you the world of good.
Spend time with those who are closest to you. Don't let them feel unappreciated.
Try your hardest at school. It's difficult, but you are doing so well. Keep it up.

Before I come to the end of this letter, I just want to give you a couple of pieces of advice that may help you along the way during your journey into, and through 2016.

Follow your intuition, always
Be smart, and brave, as often as you can.
Think of other people before you speak, or act in a certain way.
Always tell the truth, no matter how terrible it may seem at times.
Don't take any rubbish off of anyone - no matter who they are.
Remember that you deserve everything wonderful in your life.
Stay true to who you are. Do what you love to do, and keep those things close to you.
Take time out every once in a while. You get easily over-whelmed with your emotions.
Work on your creative side, your mental side, your social side, and your physical side.
Use your experiences to help others overcome their own problems. Be kind-hearted.
Go for the things/people/experiences that make YOU happy, and help you grow as an individual.
Don't be two-faced, hypocritical, attention-seeking, or evil - they are not nice qualities.
Never tell someone that they are wrong until you have seen things from their view.
Make sure that a lot of incredible things happen this year. Whether they are big, or small.

Jadey. I hope you like this letter, and I hope you see how much time, and thought has really, truly gone into it. People often tell you that you have impacted their life, and that you have a gift of making others happy. That's something that you should take care of. Don't let that gift go, and don't ever change yourself for anyone, or anything. I'm sure you have many other goals for 2016, but if you put your positive lil mind to it, anything is possible.

Lots of love



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