Wednesday, 25 November 2015

An Insight Into My Life III

Lately I have really been enjoying writing these lifestyle posts, where I can just have a ramble on about my past, my future, and everything in between. I normally split them up into specific categories, so one post could be about bullying, and self-esteem, whereas another could be about travelling the world, and mental health issues. I have so many stories, and topics that I could talk about, and there really is a lot I could say about many different things, both personal, and general, and I think that this series is perfect for doing so. If you don't like these sort of chatty posts, then do let me know, but I'm trying to keep the content of my blog very varied, so that there's something for everyone here, but although I like to try a bit of everything, and dip my toes into every possible blogging niche water, I do typically consider myself to be a beauty, and lifestyle blogger, so that is primarily what you will be seeing the most of on my blog, I suppose!

Today, I'm going to be delving a little deeper once again. I know that quite a few of you like these chatty, more personal posts, and I really do find it almost therapeutic in a sense to be able to talk about everything that's on my mind, and everything that makes me as a person - it's literally like talking to a friend, or writing in a diary. The main focus of this post in particular is based around friendships, and relationships. Now, it's obviously going to be quite personal, as are any of these posts, but I will be talking about personal experiences, although not mentioning any names, and hopefully you will all learn something, and you may find some comfort knowing that someone else understands.

I have struggled with friendships, and everything relating to this topic for as long as I can remember. It's something that is very close to my heart, and although it isn't particularly easy for me to talk about, I'm a very open, and honest person, as I'm sure some of you are already somewhat aware of, and I have discussed many other personal things before, so this one is no different. I'm going to keep it very real here, and throughout the whole of this post. I don't want any of you to feel sorry for me, or pity me in any way, and I don't intend on coming across as attention-seeking either. I'm simply telling my story, so that you can all get to know me a little bit better, and you can gain the reassurance that you're not the only person who struggles with some things. Anyway, I've never been the sort of person who fits in with the typical clique's, or one that has very many friends at all. For as long as I can remember, I have always felt like an outcast, in comparison to everyone else my age. I never really felt, or acted like how the other girls, and boys did that were of the same, or a similar age to me. I don't know the exact reason(s) as to why I was/am this way, but it's just how it always has been, and that's something that I have gradually learnt to accept (kind of). It can be really horrible when you fear going to school everyday, because you know that people will treat you as though you are invisible most of the time. It can break your heart when you can see everyone in their friendship groups, chatting, and laughing away, when you are standing alone, on the verge of tears, seemingly invisible to any other human. I have been in this situation one too many times, and so I completely understand if anyone feels this way. Even to this day, I often become isolated, or I purposely isolate myself, as I would rather be alone than in a group of people were a couple of them treat me as though I'm not there anyway. I'm not going to lie to you - it is difficult - really difficult. But, it's possible to get through it. I know that it can be one of the most devastating feelings, but there are ways to get through it. I never usually get invited to parties, or to group gatherings, or to hang out after school, but that's okay. That's the way my life is, and I've learnt to become okay with that. There are ways around the situation, and so what if people call you a loner, or a freak, and judge you, or laugh at you, because you prefer your own company? So bloody what? It's your life, and as long as you feel safe, comfortable, and moderately happy, then that's the main thing. Go to the library, and read a book, or go on the computers, and do some homework, go on your phone, put your headphones in, and listen to music, sit in the toilet, reading, or going on your phone, or go to the canteen, and chill. Only hang out with people who respect you. There will always be someone who cares, even if that someone is me. So, please don't worry. It will all sort itself out, and friendships aren't the be all, and end all, I promise. I do have a selection of amazing girlfriends now, and I love them all so much for everything that they have done. They know who they are. And remember, you will find your true friends eventually.
I know that I said that this would be more of a personal post, and that fact hasn't changed, but to be completely honest with you, there are certain things that I would like to keep private, and more to the point, I feel that it wouldn't be necessary for me to share them with the Internet anyway. Having said that, we are still going to be getting pretty deep, just not to the inappropriate, uncomfortable level. Alright, so, I have only ever had one proper boyfriend. We're getting straight to the point here. I guess you could say that this links to what I just mentioned about friendships, and how I've always been the outcast when it comes to them. Well, I guess that fact applies when it comes to relationships, and love in general as well. I would say that I was never really interested in boys, and relationships, but I was somewhere in the middle. I was forever crushing on boys, but I was either too scared to do anything about it, or I just didn't want to - that's literally all it was. Quite a few people my age were in relationships, and as cute as I'm sure they seemed, I knew that it couldn't have been that real, as they barely knew a thing about love back then. Over the past year, I've learnt a lot about relationships, and being in love with another individual. But, before I say anything else, I just want to say that you should take your time. I've only ever kissed one boy in my life, and I'm cool with that. I've only had one proper boyfriend, so why would I feel the need to kiss anyone that I don't feel genuinely connected to? It doesn't make any sense to me, but it's a personal opinion. Some people don't kiss a boy until their 18, or older, some people don't have a boyfriend until then either. Whereas, other people kiss a boyfriend, and get a boyfriend when their 10. I was 13 when I kissed a boy, but believe me, it took a lot of courage. Of course, there were people who judged me, but so what? The person that I kissed respected my decision, and he didn't pressurise me into anything, even though he was ready. It is okay to wait. It is okay to take your time. Once the time is right, you will feel it, and then you will know that you are more than ready to take that step. Just wait, and don't do anything that you don't feel comfortable with at all. If someone respects you, they will wait for you. That's how I see it. I also believe that everyone has someone out there who is perfect for them. It may take years to find them, maybe only a month or two for some, but I do believe that there is someone out there for everyone. I'm only 14. I don't know everything. But, I do know that the right person will come along, you should never let yourself get pressurised into anything, regardless of the situation, and you need to build up a strong friendship, or develop feelings before committing, or deciding on the next step. Don't rush, because you may live to regret it. It's better to take your time, and make the right decisions, then to hurry the process, and regret those decisions for the rest of your life. Every female has a prince, and every male has a princess, the same as other females may have a princess, and other males may have a prince. Love is love, whatever shape, or form it takes. I do have that special person in my life, whom I love, and care about, but I don't wish to go into too much detail on that today. All I shall say is they know who they are, and that's what matters.
Let me know how you feel about these posts. Do you prefer long, or short ones?
Lots of love,
Jade x


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