Monday, 20 July 2015

Spread The Sunshine | Positivity Q&A

A couple of weeks ago, I asked for some of you to leave me your questions relating to positivity on my Instagram. If you missed out this time, then feel free to follow me @jademillard_ because that's the place where I always ask for your questions! However, I may also start asking them on Twitter, and my name on there is @jademillardx. I tried to answer a variety of questions, so I hope you like this post! If you have any requests for future Q&A's, then please do let me know your suggestions.
1. How do you stay happy? xo - @tiiaaa._xo
There are quite a few things that help me to stay happy. One of them is by surrounding myself with positive people. All of the people that I choose to communicate/hang out with either help me, support me, cheer me up or all 3 of them. I don't have time for negative, hateful people! They don't help anyone. I will only hang out with people and talk to them if they genuinely bring me joy. What's the point of allowing someone to bring you down, just because they have insecurities themselves? Another key thing that I try to remember is to be grateful and appreciative of what I have. I am lucky to have supportive loved ones, a roof over my head, food and clean water, clothes to wear and a lot more too. Some people have to learn how to survive on incredibly little. I just try to create happy memories and I remember that it's important I don't take things or people for granted, as others aren't always quite so fortunate. You can always turn things into a positive, if you try hard enough! I find happiness in the little things and I think that's something that more people should do more often!
2. What's your favourite TV programme? - @life0ftabby
I'm really into comedy programmes, or anything relating to drama! If I had a choice to watch any genre, it would definitely be comedy. There needs to be more positivity in the world and I honestly do think that some of the shows are so well-acted and so funny to watch. I used to adore watching 'Some Girls', which was a British sitcom that is situated around 4 teenage girls, just living their average lives, but with a real comedy element. It's currently available to watch on BBC Iplayer.
3. If you found a book that contained your future, would you read it? Why/why not? - @life0ftabby
As much as I have been torn between both yes and no, I am going to have to say no to this one. I believe that the future is a mystery and as hard as it can be to deal with that thought sometimes, it's true. Life is unpredictable and I do think that is for the best. If you knew everything that was going to happen, life would be no fun! There would be no spontaneity, no excitement, no unanswered questions - I think it would make the world an awfully boring place! So, as tempting as it may be sometimes, I would rather wait and see what the future has to hold, as opposed to finding out in advance.
4. What have been your 3 happiest memories? - @soph_gx
I have gained a tonne of happy memories throughout my 14 years of living - it's so hard to pick just 3! However, I have managed to whittle it down to the ones that stand out the most in my mind! Instead of giving individual memories, I'm going to be naming them as categories, so there is no specific favourite, but there is still a generalised answer.

My happiest memories are usually created whilst I'm on holiday. I honestly don't think that anything could compare to that. Whenever I'm abroad, I always fall in love with the place that I'm going and I create so many memories with my loved ones. I feel so free and it makes me so happy to be able to explore a new country. It's almost like living a different life for a week or two! In 2012, I went to Turkey and even though it was boiling hot, I had so much fun with my family and the new friends that I'd made. Last year, I went to Lanzarote with my family and although I didn't make any friends, I had so much fun anyway. It's the only time that I properly get to spend with my family and I really did make the most of it all.

My second favourite memory is going to Southend. I went last year with my mum and my grandparents and although I was in a bad mood and I didn't go on any rides, I still enjoyed myself. There is something about the atmosphere that I am attracted to. It's so lively and full of energy, the air smells of candyfloss and ice-cream, the busyness makes me feel so at home, as if I belong there. The beach is next to it and there is a pier and loads of attractions and arcades along the side too. I am hopefully going again in a couple of weeks with a few of my loved ones and I honestly can't wait.

My final favourite memory is really hard to choose. It would either be spending time with my grandparents or going to the summer fete every year when I was in primary school. Spending time with my grandparents has always been incredibly important to me, as I used to stay with them 3 days a week when I was in primary and they have had a huge impact on the person that I am today. I used to love having sleepovers and I still do when I get the chance! I used to go to the park with my grandma and play with my Barbie dolls, or watch programmes and bake with her. We have had so many funny memories together and I love her and my granddad to bits. He always tells me funny jokes and is guaranteed to put a smile on my face, no matter what. The other memory is when I used to go to the summer fete. There was always loads of different stalls and people performing on stage and chatting with all the other parents and I just loved the atmosphere. I will never forget the time that I performed a street dance routine to a Flo Rida track in a pink tutu - it was the funniest thing!
As I mentioned at the beginning of this answer, I have had so many happy memories and I keep on creating new ones each day. Memories are really precious and worthy of holding onto, so I do that.

5. How do you stay happy when you have worries on your mind? - @nadiai.xo

Staying happy when you have worries on your mind is quite a tricky one. I usually have quite a few worries on my mind, as I am a naturally anxious person, but I try to stay positive as much as I can. The best thing to do is to try and distract yourself as much as possible. If you have worries on your mind quite a lot, then I would suggest finding things to do to take your mind off them. Maybe you could find a new hobby, or take up an old one, such as dancing, painting, photography, writing, etc.
It's important to have a creative outlet, so you can express yourself in a way that is beneficial. You could also arrange to meet up with your friends and go out shopping, or have a sleepover sometime. Talk to them about how you're feeling and see if they can offer any support. It always helps to talk to people and it can really lift a weight off of your shoulders too. You could even write down your feelings in a diary each day and then you can target these issues and try to find ways to sort them out. Working through them, talking about them to someone you trust and distracting yourself are the best options. Try not to worry though, because everything is okay in the end. Ask yourself if that problem would matter in 5, even 10 years to come and if the answer is no, then you don't have to worry too much!

6. How do you keep a good relationship? - @_millieexx

I'm not a professional relationship adviser and I certainly don't know everything that there is to know about relationships, but I do have a couple of tips that I can share with you. A relationship can only work if there is trust, communication and loyalty. Of course, there are other things you need to make a relationship work, but I think they are some of the most important. You have to trust the person and believe what they say. There shouldn't be any doubts. All humans get paranoid and anxious at times, but you should have faith in the person and even if you have doubts at first, just believe them! There shouldn't be any lies or secrets, as they are toxic and they ruin relationships. You should be able to talk to each other about anything and everything, knowing that you won't be judged. You should communicate and make time for each other, but understand that you can't be with each other every second of every day. Stay loyal and don't go behind the other person's back, ever. It is only going to result in arguments. If you do feel that an argument is going to happen, then talk through it as calmly as possible and make sure you don't just think about yourself - think about what's best for both of you. If people are trying to break you up, they are only jealous. You need to make sure that you two talk about any rumours and address them in a calm manner and ensure that you are on the same page. Don't allow other people's jealousy to ruin what you have. Not all relationships work out. However, what will be will be and even if things were to go downhill, you should be prepared to try and sort them out and fight for the one you love. Take it slowly and remember, communication is a key thing.

7. What made you start up your blog? - @laurendixxn

All my life, I have wanted to help people. That has always been the thing that I have wanted more than anything else. I really enjoy writing and I read many blogs anyway, so I thought that I would give it a go myself after one of my friends suggested it. I feel like I have a lot of personal experience within issues in society, such as body image, the pressure to be perfect, bullying, broken families, self-harm etc. I am still trying to recover from these issues myself, but seeing as I know how it feels to deal with them, I believe that I can help other people and support them, whilst also getting something out of it myself. The reason that I wanted to start my blog was because I was inspired by a variety of other people and I wanted to give young people the chance to escape through my blog. Whatever issues they may be going through, they can receive support and encouragement from me and my posts. I would like to change the world and the way that people feel, not only about themselves, but also about others around them. If this blog becomes a place that encourages positivity and inspires people to become the best version of them that they can be, then that is a starting point. I want to address important issues that are typically seen as taboo subjects and I would like to give young people a voice, if they are struggling to use their own. You should be the change that you wish to see in the world and that is exactly what I am doing. We, as a part of my 'Spread The Sunshine' community can get through anything.

8. When you have had your heart broken, how do you get over it? - @graycebates
Getting over a heart break is probably one of the hardest things in the world, whilst you are going through it. I have had my heart broken quite a few times, but it does get easier to deal with as time goes on. When I have had to handle this situation, I try to gradually distance myself from the person over time. If it's been a bad break up, I will usually block them off everything and avoid any contact with them. It's best to try and distract yourself and only spend time with those who you truly love and care about. We all experience heart breaks and we all find different ways to deal with them, but it's important to focus on other things and take your mind off of the person, so avoid any contact. Things will get easier and eventually the memories will fade, but just understand that you're not alone and most people are put in this situation at least once. If it wasn't a bad breakup, but you still feel heartbroken, you can still do the same sort of things, but you may want to stay friends with that person, or at least remain civil. It's completely up to you, so just do what you feel is best for yourself.

9. What makes you stay positive when things get tough? - @gabriella_scipioni
I don't have one specific answer for this question, so I'm going to name a few. If things are particularly tough, then you need to try and focus on the good things. Even if you may think that there aren't any, I'm sure that you can find at least one reason if you think hard enough. It's important that you try to think positively. Turn the negative thoughts around. If you are in an argument with someone that constantly hates on you, take it as a lesson to become a stronger individual. These things do take time, but if you have positive thoughts, you will find that you are happier overall, meaning that good things will come to you. It's also important that you surround yourself with people who bring out the best in you and support you, as then you will find that they can cheer you up, because they know you best and they have your best intentions at heart. I would suggest removing any toxic negativity from your life and focus on the things and the people that make your life worth living. No matter what is going on, everything happens for a reason and all of your life experiences turn you into a stronger person in the end. It's always a good idea to talk to someone about how you're feeling too. You should never let things build up as it will only make everything much worse. I personally just focus on my loved ones, I hold onto as much hope as I can and I think about my future. I guess it's something that becomes easier over time, but you cannot ever give up, remember.
10. I keep putting myself down and I hate myself.. How do I get out of this state? - anonymous
This is another pretty difficult question to answer, but I have also learnt how to deal with this through personal experience and the right support. It's important to focus on the little things. Get some post it notes and write down the things that you like about yourself, both personality and appearance, no matter how small they are. Stick them in a place that you will see them regularly, such as around your mirror, on your desk, above your bed etc. Look at yourself every time you see a mirror and say "I am beautiful". You may feel stupid, but just smile and repeat those words each time. Once again, surround yourself with people who bring out the best in you and get rid of toxic people who just bring you down. You should try to be positive and take small steps each day to improve your self-esteem. If you are deeply unhappy, try a new haircut, buy some new makeup to enhance certain features that you like, start eating more healthily. Just take small steps each day and eventually, over time, you will feel better. We all go through self-esteem issues, but learning to accept yourself is so important. You are all beautiful and unique in your own way and you should never have to change for anybody. 
11.  What can I do to cheer myself up and get out of depression/anxiety? - anonymous
The most important thing in my opinion is to get help. I know that it may seem like the hardest thing, but talking to a professional, or someone that you trust honestly can make a world of difference. There comes a point where you need to accept that you can't get through it on your own and it's perfectly normal to need some support. Maybe you could get some counselling or arrange for some therapy sessions to sort your emotions out and work out ways that you can manage a bit better. Spend time with people who are supportive of you and who love you. Go out with them and have fun! When you are with them, try to let go of all your worries and just think within the moment. You could also try out mindfulness. Reminding yourself to take notice of your thoughts, feelings, body sensations and the world around you is the first step to mindfulness. Some examples are tai chi, yoga and meditation. These help to clear your mind and relax you, so that you can feel better about yourself. Exercise can also have a massively positive impact on your mental wellbeing, as it releases feel-good endorphins into your brain. You could also connect with others and give to them too. Helping other people is so rewarding and in return, they may also help you. It's all about helping each other, in my opinion. Giving back to others can seriously improve your mental wellbeing and it's so important! Take small steps each day and you will eventually find yourself a lot happier and a lot more stable.
12. I am good at helping people, but I am unable to help myself. What should I do about it? - anonymous
I would suggest that you seek help yourself. If you are unable to help yourself, then you should try to get help from others about your own issues, as you are just as important as anyone else. It's wonderful that you are wanting to help others, but you should also be caring for your own wellbeing. You should have a pamper evening once a week and treat yourself to a bath, paint your nails, watch some movies, eat your favourite comfort foods and try to spend time on your own sometimes to reflect. Keep a diary and write down your thoughts and emotions everyday so that you can keep track and then discuss them with somebody else so that you are getting the help you need. They may also be able to guide you, so that in time, you will be able to help yourself, as well as other people!
13. How have you managed to overcome your problems to become such a positive and successful person? - anonymous
Overcoming your problems can be a real big challenge at first, but believe me, it is possible. There comes a point where you realise that you cannot stay trapped in a negative bubble for your entire life. With the right state of mind and the right support from other people, you truly can get through any problems that you may be facing, even if at first it seems impossible. I have been through hell and back over the last few years, but I have learnt so much and I'm continuing to learn and grow stronger each day. You have to do the things that make you happy and you have to realise that you are capable of anything if you put your mind to it. Hold onto hope for the future and start doing the things that make you feel good inside. I found some really supportive people and I wanted to try and overcome my problems for them, because they convinced me that I could do it if I put my mind to it and they were right. If you don't have anyone that you feel is encouraging you, then I am that person. I am encouraging you to start overcoming your problems today. I am encouraging you to become more positive and to do things that make you, as an individual happy. These things don't happen overnight - they take a lot of small steps, but then those small steps lead to success. It's all about having the right mind-set. For me, I thought of starting this process for my loved ones and for the future me. I created a blog, in the hope that I could help others and I began to spend those who brought out the best in me. It will take quite a while, but you eventually learn within time. You must remember not to give up and to just keep on taking baby steps until you get there. Think of how happy you will be in the end. I always think of how I can help others from my experiences and how I can achieve all my dreams in the future, just if I find the strength to get through the hard times. You need to stay strong. I will always be here for each and every one of you. I am encouraging you to overcome your problems.
 I really hope that this post has helped some of you. I think that positivity is so important and it can benefit all of our lives if we make the effort to become happier individuals. I love you all, always!
QOTP ~ 'Anything is possible. All you need is passion, perseverance and positivity.' ~ Jade Millard


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