Tuesday, 7 April 2015

Advice|| School - Struggles & Solutions









 


School can be very challenging for many young children and teenagers. There is so much pressure and stress forced upon us that quite often, we feel as though we have no-where to turn and we are just being judged and lectured constantly. I'm going to be giving you my advice today, so hopefully you will feel a bit more positive by the time you have finished reading this post. Enjoy :)
 

Peer Pressure


Peer Pressure - "Influence from members of one's peer group".
What is it? - This is something that many people are most likely going to have to face at some point throughout their teenage years. There always has been (and probably always will be) the "popular group" which can be said for both boys and girls. You can see it in films such as Mean Girls, which is probably one of the most well-known examples. People often feel the need to given into peer pressure, because they literally feel pressurised to do it or as a way to fit in. They feel like if they don't smoke that one cigarette, or steal that one thing from the local Topshop, then the popular group will taunt them and bully them about it for years to come. However, that shouldn't be the case AT ALL. Forcing or encouraging someone to do something that they don't want to do isn't right under any circumstances. You may think it's a joke, or everyone's doing it so that makes it fine, but that's not true.

Examples of this - Substance use such as drugs and alcohol, sexual intercourse, fighting, skipping school, bullying others, stealing something, or just generally something you DON'T want to do.

Solutions :
  • Learn to say no. Be firm, and make sure you are clear and confident. All you need to say is "No, I'm not comfortable doing this, thank you." I understand it's scary, but then what you are doing is standing up for yourself, and not letting people dictate to you, which is brilliant.
  • Walk away from the person/people or the situation. If you are at a party, and people are trying to make you do illegal drugs or drink or go off and have sex with someone, just say no, and walk away. Either go off to people you do like or step outside and call someone to pick you up. There is a chance they could laugh at you, or tease you, but you are the bigger person!
  • Be the bigger person & stick up for yourself in whatever way you feel you can. Don't necessarily get rude, but be firm, be clear and be confident with what you're saying.
  • Try not to be too shy or quiet. You should be proud to make the point that you're avoiding pressure and things that could harm you and your health, so well done if you can do that. :)
  • Make excuses. If someone's asking you to go to that party, and you don't want to as you know what it will be like and it's not your scene, then say that you're ill, or you're too busy/tired. If someone wants you to go and steal something, say you have to babysit, or you need to study.
Please remember that nobody has the right to force you to do anything you don't want to do. I know it's hard, and in the moment, you may be overwhelmed with fear or you may be feeling hurt and intimidated, but you just need to find the strength from within and get past it. We all go through peer pressure, even adults, but you do learn how to cope with it, and it doesn't usually come up everyday.
If they tease you or laugh at you, so what? Don't pay any attention to it! Make out like you don't even notice and ignore it. It's easier said than done, but just try it, and don't give up. You are the better, stronger person and you should be so proud of yourself for fighting back and not giving in. In 5-10 years, they won't even matter, and they certainly won't matter in the future, so don't let them matter now! Try not to overthink it, and if it's really getting to you, talk to someone about it. Maybe you can work something out, or practise conversations so you are prepared if these situations ever occur.

Stress





School can put an unbelievable amount of stress on students all around the world. From tests, to teachers nagging us, to studying. We all know what it feels like, and sometimes there just seems to be an overload of things to complete and very little time to do them in. Hopefully, this post will help.
I'm going to go through the different types of stress and then give practical advice on how to manage each of them. I really hope you find something that will be of use to at least one of you! :)

Teachers & How To Deal With The Stress They Pile On You

  • Don't procrastinate! Try and keep on top of your work as much as you can, and get it all out of the way as soon as you get it. That will it will be easier to manage and you will be able to find more time for a social life or hobbies. It can be boring, but it's better to get it all done!
  • Talk to someone. You shouldn't be made to feel as if you are suffering alone. Whether it be a teacher, friend, family member, a neighbour or even a helpline, it's better to talk to someone rather than bottling it up and suffering in silence. They will most likely be able to help you, or suggest ways that you can cope easier. Just don't let it all build up, as that could make you ill.
  • Research and ask other people. If you're in the same maths set as one of your friends and you're unsure as to how you're supposed to complete the work, then just ask them for help, or Google it. Google really is your saviour, as it can answer pretty much any question under the sun!
  • Go to the teacher personally. Tell them that you're struggling and you need more help as you feel like you're falling behind or you're unable to manage. It's their job to help you. They get paid to do it and they do have your best interests at heart, so don't be afraid to ask for help. They may even suggest that you get extra tuition as that could have a positive effect on you.

Tests & How To Cope With All Of The Pressure And Stress Surrounding Them

  • Be organised! Make sure you have everything sorted in advance, so you don't have to faff about last minute. Get your bag sorted the night before and get all the necessary equipment packed. Before the actual exam, eat and be sure that you're fully hydrated and have been to the toilet. Check where you're sitting and then get your pencil case and whatever else you need in your hand, and then wait until you have to go in. Don't wander off last minute!
  • Get a good night's sleep the night before. If you are tired, then you won't be able to focus and you could even fall asleep during the exam, or forget everything when it comes down to it which will mean that you have a higher chance of being unable to complete all the questions or doing badly. So, go to sleep early, turn off all your electricals and set your alarm on time!
  • Try your best to relax. Take some deep breaths and have a drink. As long as you do your best in the exam and answer all the questions you can to the best of your ability, you can't do anymore than that. Just focus, don't get distracted and don't let your mind wander.
  • Revise beforehand. Go over absolutely everything that you can possibly think of! Buy textbooks, highlight things, make revision cards, draw spider diagrams - anything to help!
Dyslexia & Learning Difficulties

  • Talk to someone. I know I've been emphasising this a lot, but it's one of the most important things to do. If you don't talk to someone, they may not know just how much you're struggling and then they could potentially moan at you for not trying your best, when they won't understand that it isn't your fault. So, talk to someone. Your parents, an older sibling, another family member, a member of staff, a carer, a friends parent etc - anyone you think of!
  • Get extra help. In most schools, they will have learning support or teachers that specifically cater towards pupils who find learning more difficult, so if you talk to someone in your family or at your school, then I'm sure they will be able to sort out some extra support for you.
  • Break things down into bits. If you struggle with dyslexia, then break down the words into smaller bits, or get teachers to explain or read things out to you. Like I mentioned earlier, it's their job to help you succeed, so they won't mind helping at all. They will understand you.
  • Practise things with other people. If you aren't very confident in reading, maybe read out loud or to someone else every night, or a few times a week. That way, they will be able to help you with pronunciation and describing a simpler meaning for the word you struggle with.
Nasty People & Being Teased Or Left Out



  • Confront them. Calmly take them to the side and ask them why they have to be so unkind to you. Don't be aggressive or lose your temper, as that will only make matters worse, but just calmly confront them and see how they react/what they have to say. Things to say may be something like, "I don't appreciate you being rude to me, and I'd like it to stop please", or "Why do you have to be so unkind? I haven't done anything to you, and I'd appreciate answers please."
  • Try to ignore it. I know how hard this can be, as I have experienced it before, and I still do, but you need to remember that you haven't done anything wrong and they have no reason to be acting in this way. Distract yourself and focus on your true friends. Try not to get too het up about it, as eventually, it will stop and it won't be this way forever, I can assure you of that.
  • Limit contact with that person. If it makes you feel that uncomfortable, just hang out in a different place so you don't have to face humiliation and keep away from them. Don't hide away in the toilets though and please don't miss school because of it. Your education is so important and it really does effect your future, but those nasty people don't, so you shouldn't let them ruin your education. If you are in a lesson with them, talk to the teacher privately, either before or after the lesson and just explain the situation or get a handwritten note to give them.
  • Talk to someone. I promise you, it won't be this way forever. These people will go away and they won't be with you throughout your whole life. Just speak to anyone you can think of, and don't suffer in silence. Please, just talk to someone, even if it's me! My contact details are always on my blog, so don't hesitate to get in contact. I would just like to say though, there is a difference between nasty people and actual bullying, so I will do a bullying post very soon.
People Being Left Out & Feeling Out Of Place


School isn't always a pleasant place to be and the majority of people dislike it or feel out of place, including me at times. Please remember you are never alone! I hope my tips will help you :)
  • Find something else to do. It's usually beneficial if you can find distractions, so you're not just feeling sorry for yourself, as that won't make matters any better. Look for the positive's in any situation, rather than the negatives. Maybe you could go to the library and read, or complete extra homework, or revise? How about you go on the computer and do research, or a quiz? Or do some writing, or drawing? What if you go and find some other friends, or talk to someone new? Just start up a conversation about anything! Play a game on your phone, listen to music, go to the canteen and buy food. If you feel like people will laugh at you, or judge you if you're by yourself, then just go in a toilet cubicle for a couple of minutes, and calm yourself down, collect your thoughts together, then take some deep breaths, wash your hands and go out again with a smile on your face.
  • If you are struggling with a particular group leaving you out, or your best friend replacing you, then talk to them! They might not understand why you're upset if they don't know the situation, so just discuss it with them and see what they have to say. They should understand if they are true friends, and if they're not, then just forget about them and move on! Don't take any notice.
  • Don't worry about it. It honestly doesn't even matter if you're by yourself. Some people like it, as they feel like there are less problems that way. It's all down to personal opinion and we are all different, so people should learn to accept and embrace that, not criticise or tease others.
  • Try not to let it affect you and try to social with other people. As I said before, it doesn't matter what other people think anyway. They most likely won't be around you forever, so try to focus on your education and not irrelevant others. Everything is always okay in the end anyway. :)
How To Deal With Your Emotions & Managing Your Behaviour

  • Try to understand the person who may be making you feel this way. If someone has said something you don't like, or that has made you frustrated, ask to move away from them, or ask to take some time out. Even ask to go to the toilet just to get a breather! They may just be wanting to get on your nerves if they are bored, but you need to try to react calmly, or just ignore it as best as you can. They only want attention and so you need to try to not give them it.
  • Don't lash out, or take it out on other people. That will only cause more problems in the end. There is nothing wrong with sticking up for yourself, but you need to know when it's gone too far and when to stop. Try to control your body and don't go hitting everyone that mutters a bad word. If you're calm, it's much less likely that the problem will escalate and it will get sorted quicker than if you just go about punching every single person who makes you a bit angry.
  • Find a sport or physical activity to take up that you enjoy. If you can do something that releases all the energy and tension, you won't have as much left to take out on harming others. Maybe you could try football, martial arts, rugby, basketball, or cardio workouts. Whatever you feel may be beneficial and could release your inner feelings. Maybe even music, or something?
  • Self-awareness and self-control. Self-awareness is the ability to notice your thoughts and feelings, and why or what is making you feel this way. This may help you to control your emotions in the future a little better. Self-control is all about thinking before you act. It can be hard when you're faced with the particular situation, but the more you practise and try your best, the more aware you will become, and the better you will be able to control you actions.
With any emotion, these tips should be able to help you and if they do, then please let me know.
If ever you need a moment to step outside, or take a break, just ask. There is no harm caused by asking if it will benefit you and your health. If you're upset, dry your eyes, take some deep breaths and calm yourself down. If you're angry, think before you act, take deep breaths, maybe purchase a stress ball, or something similar, and calm yourself down in your head, or ask to take a break. If you're anxious, remember to breathe, take some water and ask to step outside if it's too much for you. However you feel, just remember that the teachers are there to help and look out for you, always.

I really do hope that this blog post has helped, and I do apologise for the length, but I wanted to make sure that I'd covered everything necessary. I will be doing a separate post on bullying, but if there's anything else you feel I've left out, let me know and I'll be sure to do a post on it, or add it in.

My contact details are on my blog, but if ever you need someone, then contact me. I promise I will always reply and I will always do my very best to help, no matter what the situation is based on.

Email - jade_millard@icloud.com (personal) or BeautyObsessedGirl@gmail.com (blog/youtube)
Instagram - jademillardx (personal) so feel free to DM me as I'm always on there, day and night
Tumblr - teenage-insanity so you can always message me on that as I will get a notification
Kik Messenger - jade_millard13 so if you have nothing else, you can message me on that 24/7 :)
I will always try my best to get back to you within 12-24 hours, depending on how busy I am.

Take care of yourselves and please leave any comments/requests below. Lots & lots of love.
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