Sunday, 25 September 2016

I'm An Introvert; And That's Okay

After reading this post, which one of my blogging friends Nicole wrote, I felt as though it was right for me to have my own say on the matter.

Throughout my whole life, or at least for as long as I can remember, I have always been an introvert. I was never the sort of little girl that was caught playing in the park with her school friends until tea time. I was never the sort of little girl that would get invited to people's birthday parties either; maybe on a rare occasion, but no-where near as often as most children my age. I'd rather cut my Barbie dolls' hair, or take them 'swimming' in the washing up bowl at my grandparents house. I've always had a pretty vivid imagination, so I could quite literally sit on the floor for hours, talking to my dolls, and my teddies. I would also usually be found curled up on the sofa with a book in my hands, because I'd love to lose myself in imaginary, non-existent worlds, far away from the reality that I was living in for the most part.

I mean, there wasn't anything that made me stand out in a particular way. I was just an average child. I did have my own little selection of friends, who I felt I could be myself with, and not get judged for it, but that's often the case when you're younger. As you get older, and you start to develop, and change, things aren't always quite so simple.

I've always tried my best to put my education first, because at the end of the day, I know that's the most important thing that will get me the furthest in the future; much further than temporary friendships, and temporary feelings. Don't get me wrong, I've always tried to get along with other people my age. Yes, I may have been a little more reserved than others, but that shouldn't mean that my thoughts were any less irrelevant. I was always friendly, and I was always smiley. It's just that whenever the girls in my year would talk about Disney channel, and their own upbringings, I could never really relate. I just wasn't like them.

Even to this day, I still feel like an outsider in secondary school. I've now just gone into Year 11, and honestly, I'm just preparing myself for the hardest year yet. If I thought Year 10 was challenging, then I clearly can't even begin to fathom what I've got to come over the next few months. I've got friends in my school. I've also got friends in my year. You wouldn't think it if you saw me walking through the corridors at break, and lunch though. I'm often found by myself, standing in a corner, hunched over, my hands protectively clutching my phone. Sometimes, I'll even just sit in the toilet, as an excuse to hide away. Things shouldn't be that way, but the truth is that they have been before, and they may well happen again.

Whenever we had to get into partners for anything, I always used to be the one standing there, staring at the floor, because nobody wanted to go with me. Whenever I walked into a classroom, and everyone was already sitting in there, I'd just have to find a spare seat anywhere I could, because I didn't have a best friend that I could go with. Whenever everyone was sitting in the canteen with their friendship groups, I'd be too anxious to even walk through the doors, and buy something, because I didn't have anyone that truly understood me. I felt so lonely, and so terribly frightened. I couldn't ever understand why I was the only one, who was by herself. Why was it that everyone else had at least one person to hang out with? What was wrong with me? This has happened pretty consistently for 4 years now. It's no-where near as bad as it used to be, but it still isn't exactly great.

Loneliness, and social isolation/exclusion is one of the worst feelings in the entire world. Whenever you're in a class, or even just in the playground, you just constantly get that feeling in the pit of your stomach, where you can't bear it any longer. You just want the ground to swallow you hole, and never spit you back up again.

It isn't all doom, and gloom though. Things have gotten a lot better since the beginning of Year 10, and as I said, I'm now in Year 11, so maybe I am making progress, slowly, but surely. I do still have times where I'm just tagging along with the group. I do have times where I'm still too anxious, and claustrophobic to buy food from the canteen. I even have times where I still to this day worry about not having a partner. It doesn't mean that I'm a weirdo. It doesn't mean that I'm not normal. It doesn't mean that people don't like me.

Sometimes, you just have to be the one to give yourself that shove that you so desperately need. Sometimes, you just need to crawl out of your shell, and allow yourself to step out of your comfort zone. I know it seems scary, but I promise you, things won't be that way forever.

I remember when I had just started Year 7. I had just finished at a primary school where I was pretty miserable, and left out towards the end, and now I was joining a brand new, big school, where I knew hardly anyone, except one girl, and I was being bullied all over again. I felt like a tiny fish in a huge pond. I didn't think I'd ever reach the surface. I was terrified to go in, and I hated most lessons. I just didn't want to be there. Everything seemed so hopeless, and the pain seemed never-ending. I almost can't believe that I've gotten out of it alive.

Of course, I'm still at school, and I haven't left just yet, but I can actually see the light now. I'm beginning to enjoy my lessons, and I'm learning near enough everyday. Okay, I may not have a proper group of girl friends, but you know what? That doesn't matter. I have people that I can hang out with, go to the canteen with, and have a laugh with from time to time, and I'm fine with that. I may get left out, and I may go off in a sulk, but I'm grateful at the fact that if I ever have to stand alone, it isn't for very long at all anymore.

Even though I wasn't really a part of the blogging community myself when all of these things were at their worst, I am a part of it now - and I couldn't be happier. If I ever feel lonely, or upset about anything, I can just turn to my phone, and I'll be greeted by the loveliest ladies, and the most genuine guys. Whether it's through the group chat on Twitter with all of my #GRLPOWR girls, or even if a fellow blogger leaves me a kind comment on my recent post. All of it means the absolute world to me, and more.

Never underestimate the impact that one compliment, or one comment can have on someone, whether it be in real life, or through the power of the internet.

I just want to take this moment to thank all of you for everything that you do for me. Your kindness, love, and support never goes unnoticed, or unappreciated. Trust me.

Would you say that you're reserved, or outgoing? Have you changed over the years?

Lots of love always,

Jade xo

Wednesday, 21 September 2016

The Liebster Award #3

So, I've been tagged in yet another post for the Liebster Award. This is the 3rd time now! Can you believe it? Lexi, who is one of my best blogging friends, was kind enough to tag me, so I'd just like to say thank you to her, and also link you to her incredible blog, which you can find here.
The same rules apply as always, but for those of you that may be coming across this tag for the first time, then I'll tell you a little bit about them now:
- Post the award on your blog.
- Thank the blogger who nominated you.
- Answer the questions that they assigned to you.
- Give a further 10 random facts about yourself.
- Nominate 10 deserving bloggers for the award.
- Ask another 10 questions for your nominees to answer.
My answers:
Who's your style icon? - Oooh, this is a tricky one to start off with! I'd probably have to say Lucy Hale, (also known as Aria Montgomery from Pretty Little Liars), or Alexa Chung.
What's your favourite film currently in cinemas? - This question is a reminder that I haven't been to the cinema in a few months, so I really must go soon! I don't know if it's still in cinemas, but I'd really like to see The Jungle Book at some point in the next few weeks. I don't know how likely that is to happen, what with Year 11 having now begun, but hey, I'll try my best to make time for it!
How long have you had my blog? - I've actually been blogging since April last year, so it's been quite a while now. I'm not such a newbie anymore! It's only within recent months that I've become quite a lot bigger, but then again, numbers, and statistics don't mean anything to me. I'm just proud of my little baby, that's all.
What are you currently looking forward to? - It's still a long way off yet, but I'm really looking forward to seeing The 1975 in December. It will be my first concert, and I honestly can't wait already, even though it's quite literally months away. I'll no doubt be doing a blog post all about it when the time comes, so keep your eyes peeled!
Favourite thing about Summer? - My favourite thing about Summer is probably the fact that you get so much freedom, what with it being the school holidays, and all of that jazz. It's the only long period of time, where you get to relax, and do what you want everyday for 6 weeks. I mean, what more could a teenager ask for?
Which social media do you like the most? - This is yet another really tricky one for me! I mainly use Instagram & Twitter, but if I had to pick one, or the other, I'd have to say Twitter. It's a great, easy way to keep up to date with people, and it allows you to get involved in Twitter chats too, which are quite literally one of my favourite things ever. Don't get me wrong, I love posting pretty, personal pictures on Instagram, but nothing screams interaction quite like Twitter does.
Which is your favourite blog post on your blog? - I'm proud of all of the blog posts I write, so it's not easy to pick a favourite. However, for the purpose of answering the question, I would have to say that it's this one where I speak about why I love blogging, and how much it means to me. I really did put my heart, and soul into that post, so it made me extremely happy to see that it received such an overwhelmingly positive response.
What things are always in your bag? - Lip balm, the lip colour/gloss that I'm wearing, headphones (of course!), tissues, my portable charger, and my purse. I'll also sometimes put water, and hand gel in if I can remember! I don't normally put my phone in my bag, because it's always glued to my hands, but if I'm taking a break, then I'll throw it in there too!
If you could only use one makeup brand, what brand would it be? - At the moment, probably Seventeen. They are just killing it lately! They have all sorts of products available, and from the ones that I have tried, there isn't anything that I don't love, or that I wouldn't consider repurchasing. They are also cruelty free from what I have gathered, and as someone who is currently in the process of transitioning, this is just an extra helpful bonus for me!
What is your current favourite TV series? - Pretty Little Liars, without a doubt! I finished Season 7 a couple of weeks ago, and I was totally blown away with the finale. It wasn't what I had expected, at all! I've been watching it religiously for the past few months, and I've quite literally gotten hooked. Now, I have to wait until April for the final season! That realisation breaks my heart, believe me.
10 Random Facts:
- I'm a memory hoarder. I'm forever collecting photographs, and mementos that I can treasure.
- I want to become a children, and adolescent psychotherapist in the future.
- It's a dream of mine to travel the world, and volunteer in the poorer places.
- I love baking, and I specifically specialise in brownies, and Victoria sponges!
- My favourite places in the UK are Brighton, London, and Devon (as of right now).
- I write for Love From.. magazine, and I've been a proud member of the team since June.
- Some of my favourite animals are elephants, pandas, monkeys, and dogs.
- I'd love to write my own book one day to help, and inspire young people all over the world.
- Although this may surprise some people, I'm actually quite an introverted gal until you get to know me.
- I'm a Pisces, and astrology is something that fascinates me. Most of it is scarily accurate!
My nominees:
All of the other #GRLPOWR ladies -
My questions:
What has been your biggest achievement so far? Why was it so special to you?

If you could speak anything other language, what would it be, and why?
Do you follow a particular religion?
What are your thoughts on astrology?
Do you have any irrational fears/phobias?
What charity do you feel most passionately about?
If you could remove any type of stigma, which would it be, and why?
Give us a list of your favourite 6 bloggers. It's time to share the love!
What have been some of the happiest days of your life so far?
Do you have any regrets? If so, what are they?
Have fun answering these questions, and I look forward to reading your answers, girlies!
Lots of love always,
Jade xo


Sunday, 18 September 2016

Growing Up Without A 'Father Figure'

We all know that growing up isn't easy, and it certainly isn't a straight-forward road. So, just imagine that you also have to go through all of that without the person who helped to create you. The person who had longed for you to exist for 9 months. The person who should have held your hand through all of the tears, and tantrums. Your father.

Saturday, 17 September 2016

20 Questions Tag

I was nominated by one of my gorgeous friend's Lexi to do the 20 Questions Tag, so that's exactly what I'm going to be doing today! Please go, and check out Lexi's blog, and also read her version of the tag, because she's one of my closest blogging friends, and she really does work so hard on all of her content. I'm sure she would appreciate the love, and support! Thank you for the nomination Lex. Now, let's get started..

Friday, 16 September 2016

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